my good friend. it was not a case of "keeping her around". when she left of her own accord with the guy she'd been cheating with. so in the end I just dealt with it and set up a digital lazer system for a computer with two probes and a piece of software. it was totally inconvenient. in terms of the thought of her this christmas it's enough for me to just disappear. I'm so dam tired and lonely. I get the impression at times that I could be looked down at as some kind of bad guy. when really I was the one suffering the beetings, the abuse and more. all in the name of love. so yes I was a total prat. lew merry christmas and a happy new year. this one's my final
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