I actually don't know how much attention that they pay to the list. ----- Original Message ----- From: "James Malone" <[email protected]> To: "'louis whitfield'" <[email protected]>; "'Mr. B. D. Rurry'" <[email protected]>; "'Braillenote List'" <[email protected]> Sent: Friday, March 06, 2009 6:53 PM Subject: RE: [Braillenote] It's time for a few laughs!
Well, its about time someone put some humor in to the list. Hope HW gets a laugh out of this one. -----Original Message----- From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of louis whitfield Sent: Thursday, March 05, 2009 5:50 PM To: Mr. B. D. Rurry; Braillenote List Subject: Re: [Braillenote] It's time for a few laughs! lol lol lol thats all i have to saky ----- Original Message ----- From: "Mr. B. D. Rurry" <[email protected]> To: "Braillenote List" <[email protected]> Sent: Thursday, March 05, 2009 11:38 AM Subject: [Braillenote] It's time for a few laughs! >I love this Doctor! > > Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is > this > true? > A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... > Don't > waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding > up > your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you > can > extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live > longer? > Take a nap. > > Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? > A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? > Hay and > corn. And what are these? Vegetables.. So a steak is nothing more > than > an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. > Need > grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass > (green > leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your > recommended > daily allowance of vegetable products. > > Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? > A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled > wine, > that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get > even > more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. > Bottoms up! > > Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? > A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one > to one. > If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc. > > Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular > exercise program? > A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No > Pain... > Good! > > Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? > A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in > vegetable > oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more > vegetables > be bad for you? > > Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around > the > middle? > A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. > You > should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. > > Q: Is chocolate bad for me? > A: Are you crazy? HELLO! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's > the > best feel-good food around! > > Q: Is swimming good for your figure? > A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.. > > Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? > A: Hey! "Round" is a shape! > > Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have > had > about food and diets.. > > And remember: > > Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of > arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but > rather to > skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the > other - > body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO, > What a > Ride' > > AND...... > > For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on > nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all > those > conflicting nutritional studies. > > 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart > attacks than > Americans. > 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks > than > Americans. > 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart > attacks than Americans. > 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart > attacks > than Americans. > 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and > fats > and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. > > CONCLUSION: > > Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what > kills > you. > Why Moms Drink > > > > A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that > his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she > saw the envelope, addressed to Mom and propped up prominently on > the pillow. She opened the envelopes with trembling hands and > read the letter. > > > > > > Dear Mom, > > > It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I have > eloped with my new girlfriend to avoid a scene with you and Dad. > > I have found real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. I knew > you wouldn't approve of her because of all her piercing, > tattoos, tight clothes and the fact that she is much older than > I am. > It's not only the passion Mom, she's pregnant. > Stacy said that we will be very happy. > She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for > the whole winter. > We share a dream of having many more children. > > Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't > really hurt anyone. > We'll be growing it ourselves and trading it with our neighbors > for food. > Please pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can > get better. She deserves it. > Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. > Someday I will be back to visit so you can get to know your > grand-children. > > Love, > > > Your Son John > > > > > P.S.- Mom, just kidding.....I'm over at Tommy's house. I just > wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than > the report card that's in my center desk drawer. Call me when > it's safe to come home. > > > My Resume... > >> My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got >> canned-comcdn't concentrate. > >> Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just > couldn't hack it, >> so >> they gave me the ax. > >> After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited > for x-comit was >> a >> so-so job. > >> Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too > exhausting. > >> Then I tried to be a chef-figured it would add a little spice > to my life, >> but I just didn't have the thyme. > >> I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I > couldn't cut >> the >> mustard. > >> My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I > wasn't >> noteworthy. > >> I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have > any patience. > >> Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't > fit in. > >> I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I > couldn't live on >> my >> net income. > >> I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance > company, but >> the >> work was just too draining. > >> So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I > wasn't fit for >> the >> job. > >> After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a > job as a >> historian until I realized there was no future in it. > >> My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit > because it was >> always the same old grind. > >> SO I RETIRED, AND I FOUND I AM PERFECT FOR THE JOB!!!! > > > Blessings > Rhonda Stogner > [email protected] > > > ___ > Replies to this message will go directly to the sender. > If your reply would be useful to the list, please send a > copy to the list as well. > > To leave the BrailleNote list, send a blank message to > [email protected] > To view the list archives or change your preferences, visit > http://list.humanware.com/mailman/listinfo/braillenote > ___ Replies to this message will go directly to the sender. 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