A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money
for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman'
and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the
owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said,
''How much will you charge me?'
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?'
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything
she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband,
'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the
house?'
He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'
The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe
all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.
'Yes' the blonde replied 'and I even had paint left over, so I
gave it two coats.'
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and
handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.
'And by the way, ' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a
Lexus.
The Secrets of Women's Language
... a must-read for any man.
Keywords and their meanings:
"Fine": This is the word we use at the end of any argument that
we feel
we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use "Fine" to
describe
how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.
"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the
five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take
out the
trash, so it's an even trade.
"Nothing": This means something, and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of
wanting
to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five
Minutes"
and end with the word "Fine."
"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will
result
in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the
word
"Fine."
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "Do what
you
want, because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go
ahead"
in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she
will
talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
<Loud Sigh>: This is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she
thinks you
are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her
time
standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
<Soft Sigh>: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft
Sighs"
are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She
is
content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will
stay
content.
"Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example:
"Oh, let
me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing
last
night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to
the
nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is
done
tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to
talk to
you for at least 2 days. "Oh," as the lead to a sentence, usually
signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to
get
out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by
acts
so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that
a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to
think long
and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that
you have
done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used
in
conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in
the near
future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in
some
mighty big trouble.
"Please Do": This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is
giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have
for
doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance
to tell
the truth, so be careful, and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
"Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're
welcome.
"Thanks a lot": This is much different from "Thanks". A woman
will say,
"Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies
that
you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by
the "Loud
Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh",
as she
will only tell you "Nothing."
Composed on the Braillenote for your laughing and reading
pleasure.
Mr. B. D. Rurry Esquire, Rurrysville Tn. USA and proud of it!
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