----- Original Message -----
From: "Seeberger, Mark"
To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Friday, June 13, 2003 4:27 PM
Subject: [Seebergers] Stella Awards
It's time once again to consider the candidates for the 2003 Stella
Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds.
That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most uniquely successful
lawsuits in the United States for last year. Actually, joint awards
should be given to the plaintiff attorneys and the flaming idiots on the
juries
who awarded anything at all to these morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!!
The following are this year's candidates:
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of
her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably
surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was
Ms. Robertson's son.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.
Truman
apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when
he was trying to steal his neighbour's hubcaps.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had
just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the
garage
door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.
Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a
case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the
homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental
anguish. The
jury agreed, to the tune of $500,000.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's
beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award
was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it
repeatedly with a pellet gun.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,
Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
coccyx! (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had
thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a
night club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom window to
the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
This year's favourite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma
City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor
home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set
the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the
back
and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway,
crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising
him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury
awarded him$1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed
their
manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other
complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
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