There is a very brief, one-line message of LOTR in this rant too..... JDG >-------- Original Message -------- >Subject: fandom blemish >Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 00:00:11 -0700 >From: "d.brin" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >Reply-To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] >To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > > ><fontfamily><param>Geneva</param><smaller>Hi... I haven't yet decided >whether to circulate this under my own name (after all, GL is a >billionaire, and I plan on working in Hollywood). In any event, it's >still a draft, so I'd rather you not circulate it, quite yet. > > >A warning. I will agree with Kat about the morality of Star Wars... >and then some! Comments are expected! Just no bombs, please! ;-) > > >============== > > >ALERT... PART ONE OF THIS LONG SCREED IS A DISCUSSION OF THE STAR WARS >UNIVERSE IN GENERAL, CONTAINING NO SPOILERS FOR "EPISODE ONE: THE >PHANTOM MENACE." LATER, AFTER A SPOILER ALERT, I INTEND WEIGHING IN ON >THAT FILM WITHOUT MERCY. > > >============================================================= > > > > TITLE: > > > "Homer, Superman, and The Phantom Menace... Or Why Star Wars Has >Declared War on Civilization As We Know It." > > > >LEAD QUOTATION: > > >"But there's probably no better form of government than a good >despot." > > > -- George Lucas (NY Times interview, March 1999) > > > > > > >Well, I boycotted EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE... for an entire week. > > > >Why? What's to boycott? Isn't STAR WARS good old fashioned sci-fi? >Harmless fun? Some people call it "eye candy".... a chance to drop back >into childhood and punt your adult cares away for two hours, dwelling >in a lavish universe where good and evil are vividly drawn, without all >the inconvenient counterpoint distinctions that clutter daily life. >Got a problem? Cleave it with a light saber! Wouldn't you love -- just >once in your life -- to dive a fast ship into your worst enemy's >stronghold and set off a chain reaction, blowing up the whole megillah >from within its rotten core while you streak away to safety at the >speed of light? (It's such a nifty notion that they do it in three out >of four Star Wars flicks.) > > >Anyway, I make my living writing science fiction novels and movies. So >Star Wars should be a great busman's holiday, right? > > >This is one of the problems with so-called 'light entertainment' today. > Somehow, amid all the gaudy special effects, people tend to lose track >of simple things, like story, meaning, and noticing the basic moral >lessons the creator -- in this case, George Lucas -- is trying to >convey. And yet these are still important. They matter. > > >By now, alarm bells should have started going off. When the chief >feature distinguishing "good" from "evil" is how pretty the characters >are, it's a good clue that maybe the whole saga deserves a second look. > Just what bill of goods are we being sold, between the frames? > > > >*Elites have an inherent right to arbitrary rule; common citizens need >not be consulted about their destiny. > > >*"Good" elites can and should act on their subjective whims, without >evidence, argument or accountability. > > >*True leaders are born. The right to rule is inheritable. > > >*Justified human emotions can turn a good person evil. > > > >Alas, that is just the beginning of a long list of "moral" lessons >relentlessly pushed by Star Wars. Lessons that starkly differentiate >this saga from others that seem superficially similar, like Star Trek. > > > > >Above all, I never cared for the whole Nietzchian ubermensch thing... >the notion -- pervading a great many myths and legends -- that a good >yarn has to be about demigods who are bigger, badder, and better than >normal folk by several orders of magnitude. It's an ancient >storytelling tradition based on abiding contempt for the masses, that I >find odious in the works of A.E Van Vogt, L.Ron Hubbard, and wherever >you witness slanlike super beings deciding the fate of billions without >ever pausing to consider their wishes. > > >Wow, Brin. If you feel that strongly about it, why only a week-long >boycott? > > >Because I am forced to admit that demigod tales resonate deeply in the >human soul. Joseph Campbell described this archetype in The Hero's >Journey, offering superb insights into a revered storytelling >tradition, but only highlighting its positive traits, completely >ignoring the dark side -- such as the way this standard fable-template >served the interests of kings and priests and tyrants throughout the >ages, extolling the all importance of elites who towered over common >women and men. Playing a large part in the tragic miring of our >spirit, the demigod mythos has transfixed people in nearly every >culture since recorded history began, from Gilgamesh all the way down >to Superman comix. > > >Indeed, this helps explain why science fiction has never done well in >comix, even though many editors gambled and lost, trying to make the >marriage work. It always fails because genuine science fiction comes >from exactly the opposite literary tradition -- a new kind of >storytelling mythos that rebels against old archetypes. An upstart >belief in progress, science, egalitarianism, positive-sum games... and >the possibility of decent human institutions. > > >Let me illustrate. Comic books treat their superheroes with reverent >awe, exactly the same way demigods are depicted in the Iliad. But a >science fiction author who wrote about Superman would start by asking >the Man of Steel why super-villains only appeared after he showed up! >Then Earthling scientists would demand that the handsome alien provide >a blood sample (even if it requires scraping away with a super >fingernail) so we can study his puissant powers... and maybe bottle >them for everybody. > > >That truly is a different point of view, one diametrically opposite to >older, elitist creeds that preached submission in nearly every culture, >where a storyteller's chief job was to flatter the oligarchic patrons >who fed him. > > >Imagine Achilles refusing to accept his foreordained destiny, taking up >his sword and hunting down the Four Fates, demanding they give him both >a long life _and a glorious one! Picture Odysseus telling Agamemnon to >go chase himself and heading off to join Daedalus in a garage startup >company, mass producing wheeled and winged horses so that everybody can >swoop like a god. > > >No wonder such an approach to storytelling was unseen till a few >generations ago, when aristocrats lost some of their power to punish >irreverence. Even now, the new perspective remains shaky... and many >find it less romantic, too. (How many dramas reflexively depict >scientists as 'mad'? Count the number of modern films in which American >institutions are depicted as functioning well. Indeed, George Lucas >has publicly expressed a yearning for the pomp of mighty kings, over >the drab accountability of presidents.) > > >But let's return to the Star Wars mythos. Is it really unique in the >way it portrays progress and power? How is Star Wars different from >its chief competitor -- Star Trek? > > >Well, one saga appears to have an air force motif (tiny fighters) while >the other seems naval -- the big ship is heroic, not evil. But that >difference isn't crucial. The main distinction is that Star Trek sees >technology as essentially useful and friendly, if sometimes dangerous. >It portrays education as a great emancipator of the humble (e.g. >Starfleet Academy). It sees futuristic institutions as having an >essentially good nature (the Federation), though of course one must >always fight outbreaks of incompetence or corruption. Professionalism >is respected and henchmen often become whistle blowers, as they do in >America, today. > > >In Star Trek, when authorities are defied, it is in order to overcome >their mistakes or uncover individual villains, not to portray all >institutions as inherently evil. Good cops sometimes actually come >when you call for help. Ironically, this image fosters useful >criticism of authority, because it suggests that any of us can gain >access to our institutions, if we are determined enough... and perhaps >even fix them with fierce tools of citizenship. > > >By contrast, the suffering "rebels" in Star Wars have no recourse in >law or markets or science or democracy. They must simply choose sides >in a civil war between two wings of the same genetically superior royal >family. They may not meddle or criticize. As homeric spear-carriers, >that is not their job. > > >And the gulf widens further! Star Trek generally depicts heroes who are >only about ten times as brilliant, noble and heroic as a normal person, >prevailing through cooperation and wit, rather than because of some >indwelt godlike transcendent greatness. Characters who achieve >godlike powers are subjected to ruthless scrutiny. In other words, >Trek is a prototypically American dream, entranced by a notion of human >improvement and a progress that lifts all. Gene Rodenberry's vision >breaks away from the elitist tradition of kings and wizards who rule by >divine or mystical right. > > >By contrast, these are the only heroes in the Star Wars universe. > > >Yes, Trek can at times seem preachy, or even pathetically Politically >Correct. For example, every species has to mate with every other one, >interbreeding with almost compulsive abandon. The only males who are >allowed any testosterone are Klingons, because cultural diversity >outweighs sexual correctness. In other words it's okay for them to be >macho 'cause it is "their way." Still, where would you rather live -- >assuming you must be a normal citizen? In the Rodenberry's Federation? > Or Lucas's Empire? > > >George Lucas defends his elitist view, telling the New York Times -- >"That's sort of why I say a benevolent despot is the ideal ruler. He >can actually get things done. The idea that power corrupts is very true >and it's a big human who can get past that." > > >In other words a royal figure or demigod, anointed by fate. (Like a >billionaire movie-maker?) > > >Lucas often says we are a sad culture, bereft of the sort of confidence >or inspiration that strong leaders can provide. And yet, aren't we the >very same culture that produced George Lucas, and gave him so many >opportunities? The same society that raised all those brilliant >experts for him to hire, who pour their inspiration and professional >skill into his films? A culture that defies the old homogenizing >impulse by worshipping eccentricity, with unprecedented hunger for the >different, new or strange? It what way can such a civilization be said >to "lack confidence"? > > >In historical fact, all of history's despots, combined, never managed >to "get things done" as well as this rambunctious, self-critical >civilization of free and sovereign citizens, who have finally broken >free of worshipping a ruling class and begun thinking for themselves. >Democracy can seem frustrating and messy at times, but it delivers. > > > >Having said all that, let me again acknowledge that Star Wars hearkens >to an old and very, very deeply human archetype. Those who listened to >Homer recite the Iliad by a campfire knew great drama. Achilles could >slay a thousand with one sweep of a hand... as Darth Vader slays >billions with the press of a button... but none of that matters next to >the personal saga of a great one. The slaughtered victims are mere >minions, spear carriers. Not worth even passing consideration. Only the >demigod's personal drama is important. > > >So it is that few noticed or complained over the apotheosis of Darth >Vader, in RETURN OF THE JEDI... > > >To put it in perspective, let's imagine that the U.S. and its allies >managed to capture Adolf Hitler, at the end of the second world war. >Envision that he's on trial for war crimes. The prosecution spends >months listing all the horrors done at his behest. Then it is the turn >of Hitler's defense attorney, who rises and utters just one sentence >-- > > >"But, your honors... Adolf did save the life of his own son!" > > >Gasp! The prosecutors blanch in chagrin. > > >"We didn't know that! Of course all charges should be dismissed at >once!" > > >The allies then throw a big parade for Hitler, down the main avenues of >Nuremberg. > > >It may sound silly, but that's exactly the lesson taught by 'Episode >Six,' wherein Darth Vader is forgiven all his sins, because he saves >the life of his own son. > > >Consider, how many of us have argued late at night over the old >philosophical conundrum -- "Would you go back in time and kill Hitler >as a boy, if given a chance?" > > >It's a genuine moral puzzler, with many possible ethical answers. >Still, most people, however they ultimately respond, would admit being >tempted to say yes, if only to save millions of Hitler's victims. > > >And yet, now George Lucas says we are supposed to gush with good >feelings toward a cute aryan-looking little boy who will later grow up >to murder the population of Earth, many times over? Lucas may excuse >this macabre joke, claiming that he's crafting an agonized Greek >Tragedy. An epic tale of a fallen hero, trapped by hubris and fate. >But if that were true, Lucas would by now have given us a >better-than-caricature view of the Dark Side. Heroes and villains >would not be demarcated by mere prettiness. The moral quandaries would >not come from a comic book. > > >Don't swallow it. The apotheosis of evil is exactly what it seems. > > >Remember the final scene in JEDI, when Luke gazes in the fire, seeing >Obiwan, Yoda and Vader, smiling in the flames? Well, I can hope it was >Jedi Hell, for the amount of pain those three unleashed on their >galaxy, and all the damned lies they told. But that's me. I'm a rebel >against Homer and Achilles and that whole tradition. At heart, some of >you are, too. Admit it. > > >This isn't just a one-time distinction. It marks the main boundary >between real, literate, humanistic science fiction and most of the >movie "sci-fi" you see nowadays. The difference between science >fiction and sci-fi isn't about complexity, childishness, scientific >naivete, or haughty prose stylization. (I like a good action scene as >well as the next guy, and can ignore technical gaffes if the story is >way cool.) The underlying difference is that one tradition revels in >kings, wizards and elite princelings, while the other rebels against >them. In the genuine Science Fiction Worldview, demigods aren't >easily forgiven lies and murder. Contempt for the masses is passe. >There may be heroes -- even great ones -- but in the long run we'll >improve together, or not at all. > > >Ah, but what sells? Even after rebelling against the homeric archetype >for generations, we children of Pericles and Ben Franklin and H.G. >Wells remain a slim minority. So much so that George Lucas can >appropriate all our hand-created tropes & symbols -- our beloved >starships and robots -- for his own ends and get credited for >originality. > > >The mythology of conformity and demigod-worship even pervades the >highest levels of intelligencia. When Joseph Campbell prescribed that >writers should adhere slavishly to a hackneyed plot outline, one that's >been used to preach submission across numberless millennia, he was >lionized By Bill Moyers and countless others for his warm and fuzzy >"human insight." As in the fable, no one dared point to the emperor's >shadow, or his long trail of bloody footprints. > > >I admit we face an uphill battle winning people over to a more >progressive, egalitarian worldview, along with stirring dreams that >focus on genuine heroes, not demigods. Meanwhile, George Lucas knows >that his mythos appeals to human nature at a deep and ancient level. > > >Hell, it appeals to a part of my nature! Which is why I knew I would >cave in and see EPISODE ONE, after my symbolic one-week boycott >expired. So, let me just add one more thing before I weigh in about >THE PHANTOM MENACE. > >I want to say that I _adored_ the second film in the series... THE >EMPIRE STRIKES BACK! > > >Despite the kitschy pseudo zen of Yoda, I was willing to suspend >disbelief and wait to see what the Jedi philosophy might be about. I >could also suspend judgement and wait to find out why Obiwan & Yoda >lied like weasels to Luke Skywalker. Meanwhile, the script of TESB >sizzled with originality, good dialogue and relentlessly compelling >characters. The action was dynamite... and even logical! Common folk >got almost as much chance to be heroes as the demigods. Cliches were >few and terrific surprises abounded. There were excellent >foreshadowings, promising more of the same. It was simply a great >movie. Homeric but great. > > >You already know (alas) what I think of what came next. > > >(Another aside -- ever notice how, in so many scifi series, the second >movie stands out above the others, while the first one was >kind-of-okay... but the THIRD one nearly always stinks up the joint? >Ever notice how film number three betrays every theme raised in the >earlier two? It happened in the ST & SW & Aliens universes... (I can >explain elsewhere)... and I pray there'll never be a third Terminator >movie for that very reason! I don't want to see T1 & T2 betrayed in >the same way.) > > >But the apotheosis of Darth Vader, in film #3, only scratches the >surface. In fact, the biggest moral problem with the Star Wars >universe can be distilled by tracing the one point that George Lucas >stresses over and over again, through the voice of his all-wise guru >character, Yoda. > > >Okay. Let's see now. Let me get this right. > > > Fear makes you angry and anger makes you evil, right? > > >Now don't get me wrong. Fear has been a major motivator of intolerance >in human history. I write about this extensively elsewhere. And >indeed, I would expect knightly adepts to be taught to control fear and >anger, as we saw quite believably in EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. Calmness >makes you a better warrior and helps prevent mistakes. That part is >completely credible. > > >But then, in RETURN OF THE JEDI, they take this basic wisdom and >pervert it, saying "if you get angry -- even at injustice and murder -- >it will automatically and immediately transform you into an unalloyedly >evil person! All of your opinions and political beliefs will suddenly >and magically reverse. Every loyalty will be forsaken and you will >instantly join your sworn enemy as his closest pal. All because you >let yourself get angry at his crimes. > > >Uh... say what? Could you repeat it again... slowly? > > >In other words, getting angry at Adolf Hitler will cause you to rush >right out and join the Nazi Party? > > >Excuse me. That contention is, in itself, a truly evil thing to preach. > Above all, it is just plain dumb. > > >It raises a question that somebody should have asked a long time ago. >Who the heck nominated George Lucas to preach sick, popcorn morality at >our children? If it's "only a movie", why is he working so hard to >fill his films with this crap? > > >Ick. I think it's time to choose sides, people. This saga is not just >another expression of the Homeric archetype, extolling old hierarchies >of kings, wizards and demigods. It has sunk far lower. Star Wars is >unworthy of our attention, our money, our enthusiasm... and our >civilization. **** > > >George Lucas himself gives a clue when he says "... a long time ago, in >a galaxy far, far away..." > > >Right on. Star Wars belongs to our dark past. A long, tyrannical >epoch of fear, illogic, despotism and demagoguery that we are only now >starting to emerge from, aided by the science and technology and the >egalitarian spirit that Lucas so deeply and ungratefully despises. > > >I don't expect to win this argument any time soon. As Joseph Campbell >rightly pointed out, the ways of our ancestors tug at the soul with a >resonance that many find romantically appealing, even irresistible. >They cannot put the fairy tale down, and move on to more mature fare. >Ah well. > > >But over the long haul, history is on my side. Because the course of >human destiny won't be defined in the past. It will be decided in our >future. > > >That's my bailiwick, though it truly belongs to all of us. > > >It's where our posterity will thrive. > > >db > > >==================== > > > >********SPOILER ALERT!!!!!***************** > >******** PLOT DISCUSSION OF THE PHANTOM MENACE ******** > > > >********SPOILER ALERT!!!!!***************** > >******** PLOT DISCUSSION OF THE PHANTOM MENACE ******** > > > >********SPOILER ALERT!!!!!***************** > >******** PLOT DISCUSSION OF THE PHANTOM MENACE ******** > > > >********SPOILER ALERT!!!!!***************** > >******** PLOT DISCUSSION OF THE PHANTOM MENACE ******** > > > >********SPOILER ALERT!!!!!***************** > >******** PLOT DISCUSSION OF THE PHANTOM MENACE ******** > > > >********SPOILER ALERT!!!!!***************** > >******** PLOT DISCUSSION OF THE PHANTOM MENACE ******** > > >=================================================== > > >ABOUT THE PHANTOM MENACE > > >First off, let me say that I think the film looked gorgeous. Lucas was >able to hire and inspire the best. He took advantage of CGI advances >wonderfully to portray many old sci fi favorites in vivid ways. The >costumes were just spiffy! The fight scenes zesty. Great aliens too, >except for Yoda, who's still a rubber oven mitt. > > >I quite enjoyed the first part... Jedis running around on the Trade >federation mother ship, slashing and jumping and blasting. My hopes >started to rise. Then.... > > >Well, let me list just a few items: > > > >CLICHES: > > >* Underwater cities? A city that covers a whole planet? Where've we >seen those before? Well, they may be cliches, but Lucas stole them >fair & square, and served them back with loads of panache, so he's >forgiven. On the other hand, there are *other* cliches that make the >head scream. For example: > > >* "Hey, you guys, don't you mess with ME because MY mom is the Virgin >Mary! (At least that's what she told her folks when she came home >pregnant one day.) I guess you know what that makes ME, so everybody >drop down and give me twenty!" > > >* "I think maybe he is the CHOSEN ONE..." (As in Dune? Or in The >Matrix? Or in Lord of the Rings? Or The New Hope? Or... make your own >list. It will stretch for light years.) > > >* "He is too OLD to train to be a Jedi." -- (Uh, Yoda? You say SIX is >too old, but Luke Skywalker will be a do-able fixer-upper at twenty?) > > >* "Oh no! There's an unstoppable robot army! But all we have to do is >pull a master switch and they'll all shut off!" (See footnotes >below*) > > >* The only good machine is one that has to be hammered into turning on >for you. (e.g. Aniken's speed-pod, his space fighter, the Millennium >Falcon, C3PO... and so on.) If it starts right up it must be evil. > > >* Some might consider the pod race to be a ripoff copy of the speeder >bike scene in JEDI. Actually, I found the use of charioteer imagery >rather charming! (Hence the parallel between "Ben Kenobi and Ben-Hur?) > Hey, a swooping chase scene past scary obstacles is always a good >thing to throw into a whiz-bang sci-fi flick! > > Nevertheless, having a six-year old slave toss together a better >pod than all the galaxy's technicians can create? (Those Tatooine >slave schools must have a great curriculum!) Couldn't he have had help >from a tottering old (but great) engineer, who retired to Tatooine for >his health? That cliche would have at least lent plausibility. > > >* Naturally, everybody PRETTY is automatically GOOD! While every >villain is easily recognized by caricature ugliness. Isn't that just a >marvelously useful & insightful lesson to teach the audience about good >and evil? How deep! Ralph Bakshi would be proud. > > >* Big animals try to eat whole spaceships, yum. Where've we seen that >before? > > >* An apprentice Jedi watches helplessly as his beloved master is slain >in a sword fight by a Sith Lord, then screams "No!" Where've we seen >that before? > > >But enough wallowing in small stuff. > > Let's Get Down To The Grand Champion cliche of all! > > >* "Gee whillikers R2, the folks out there sure are in a pickle. >What's that, girl? Solve the whole plot by diving my tiny ship into the >center of a big badass one, and set off a chain reaction to blow it up >from the inside while we run away real fast? What an idea! Gee, I'll >bet THAT'S never been done before !" ** > > > >ORIGINALITIES: > > >* I confess there was one really original thing in THE PHANTOM MENACE. >Something I have truly never seen before! I could not believe my eyes >when I read the yellow prologue letters flowing across the screen at >the very beginning of the film. A sci-fi action movie whose premise is >based on taxation of trade routes and negotiations over tariff >treaties? > > > Now that... (yawn)... is something... I've... never... (snore).... > > > >SELF-INDULGENCES: > > >I swear, you people have license to kick me if I do this. You create a >beloved universe... and spend most of the sequels wallowing in >emotional reunions, or worse, spend most of the prequel introducing >characters to each other for the audience to sigh over, dwelling on >each moment for long stretches laden with emotional music. R2 meet >Threepio! (For the very first time!) Obiwan meet Aniken! Aniken grew >up with Greedo! Naturally, there are cameos by Tuskan Raiders and >JabbatheHut and every other old friend... for nostalgia's sake. Anyone >notice the delegation of Spielberg's ET aliens in the Senate chamber, >uncharacteristically willing to associate with humans for a change. > > And there's more! Anyone notice the names of the OTHER candidates >for Chancellor? Minister _Antilles_ of Alderan? Maybe the dad of >Captain Antilles, the first dude Vader crushes to death in the first >movie? Could it be a coincidence? Oooooooh... maybe it's destiny! >(Someone care to start up a list of other self-indulgences and >nostalgia wallowings? So much for using sci-fi to explore bold new >worlds.) > > >Oh, don't get me wrong. The nostalgia thing has been done even worse >by others. Remember STAR TREK, THE MOTION PICTURE? Half an hour spent >worshipping the Enterprise from the outside before we even go aboard? >Vleah! > > > >ILLOGICALITIES: > > >* "We won't train young Skywalker 'cause he might turn dangerous." > > > -- Um, so instead of using every available means and the most >experienced teachers to keep an eye on him and train him to be a good >guy, you'd just toss him and his mega-force talent out to the streets? >Or else , under pressure, you agree to let a recent novice (Obiwan) >deal naively with the menace on his own? Oooh, great idea! This >terrible decision leads to catastrophe, so (as I expected) it's all >Yoda's fault from the very beginning. > > >(An aside: As Stefan Jones put it: "In the first film, the Force was a >kind of martial art / Zen Archery kind of thing. Rather egalitarian, >too: Obi Wan even offers to teach scoffer Han Solo the ropes. Goofy >comic-book mysticism, but kind of charming and innocent in a Hong Kong >kung-fu movie sort of way." But as the ubermensch effect took over, The >Force became ever more elitist. You had to be born with it. In a >progressive universe, Yoda & co. would have set up Jedi-Arts studios in >every mini mall on Coruscant -- the way Karate has saturated suburban >America -- giving millions of kids exposure to a little discipline and >fun, plus a chance to better themselves through hard work and maybe >outperform what had been expected of them. But Yoda thinks he can >diagnose who's got it, who hasn't, and who is pre-destined to fail >before they even try. Only demigods need apply for training. I really >hate that.) > > > >* Gee, too bad we had to leave the Virgin Mary -- I mean Mom -- on >Tatooine (presumably to marry and give birth to Uncle Owen). But... >once the queen & Obiwan get away, can't they just access their Galactic >Express Card accounts and buy mom's freedom out of petty cash? I guess >they just forgot. Some heroes. *** > > >* We Jedi protect the innocent. So let's take young Aniken along on a >raid into the enemy's heavily defended HQ! Then tell him to hide in a >fighter cockpit "for safety." > > >* Vader grew up on Tatooine, yet he finds the place unremarkable 40 >years later in "the New Hope". In the same film he senses nothing >unusual about C3PO, his beloved first-born droid! > > > > In any event, this coincidence makes Tatooine the LAST place anyone >would hide Darth Vader's newborn son -- Luke -- twenty years hence! >(Presumably this hustling of babies is destined to be the major sub >plot of Episode III... which, by the way, oughta be a real bummer of a >movie, since Coruscant and a zillion other planets are gonna haveto fry >as the emperor takes over. Gee, what a lovely prospect and a great way >to finish the saga! But of course we'll still cheer, because Obiwan >will manage to spirit away the twins, Luke & Leia, just in time as >billions perish behind them. Hurrah!) > > > >CHEATS AND UNEXPLAINED PLOT DRIVERS: > > >* Hey, I put up with all those underwater fishies chasing a blaster >equipped ship because I thought we were gonna get taken on a trip >"through the planet's core!" Why mention it, if you're not gonna show >it? Disappointment! (And a ripoff of Gregory Benford.) > > >* Uh... would anyone please explain why the Sith Lord & the Trade >Federation would risk everything to capture one teeny periphery planet? > Could we have a clue? A hint as to why Naboo was important... any >hint at all? Hello? > > >Oh, and if the Queen had the power to fire a chancellor, wouldn't she >be able to send a few fast ships with cameras to broadcast atrocities >going on, back home? > > >* Um, the Republic doesn't have a police force? No news media to >verify the queen's story? No big planets who are sick of the Trade >Federation and hankering to pounce on the federation's big mistake? No >commercial competitors of the Trade Federation, eager to do likewise in >hopes of getting the franchise? No past victims of the Federation >army, eager for revenge? Everybody's wimps except for 2 Jedis and some >funky amphibian rastafarians? And we're supposed to care about this >galaxy? > > >* Worst of all, Lucas forgets one of the great lessons of film-making >- give your villains some great lines! Remember DIE HARD? >BLADERUNNER? EMPIRE STRIKES BACK? Hell, even the detestable RETURN OF >THE JEDI featured a marvelously awful emperor sneering at the hero >seductively (if illogically). > > So what do we see in this movie? Liam Neeson, separated from his >nemesis Darth Maul by a force field, having to wait to resume the >fight. What a great time for Maul to tell a little about the Sith, >giving his side of the story! His seething need for revenge against the >Jedi. Something about their having crushed one whole side of the >Force, and thus creating awful imbalance. Less than a minute of >villainous rant could have packed a lot of juice into their vendetta. >But no. > > > >PSEUDOSCIENCE GIMMICKS: > > >Take the energy symbiote mitochondria inside our cells and mystify them >into "midichlorians" (apparently swarms of some sort of symbiotic >fairies inside of each of us) to give a pseudo techno gloss to Lucas's >new religion. Well... to be fair, Star Trek does the same damn thing >all the time. > > >Nevertheless it brings us back to the different ways two literary >traditions would treat Superman. If these symbionts empart great >powers to people, can't we find a way to give common folk MORE of them? > A blithe contentment with genetic determinism is one thread this >universe shares with most ancient tales...and with the Nazis. > > >Still, even from the Campbellian premise, there is a big problem. >Consider that young Aniken acts with godlike poise and heroism at every >turn, yet Yoda accuses this brave kid (just packed fulla midichlorians) >of being too AFRAID to be a Jedi? Do I sense an underplot here? Like >maybe old Yoda fears competition? Could Yoda be the hidden hand? Maybe >this is the true reason he'll lie to Luke, 40 years later, about his >father! Certainly no other explanation is ever given. None. Not >one. > > >Maybe Aniken's conversion into Darth has a reason that's darker than >anything hinted at, so far. At least it makes more sense than Yoda >being so flaming incompetent. (He can foresee the future, but can't >sense something as simple as "this kid is gonna someday grow up and fry >planets and destroy every Jedi"? Hmmmm.) > >. > >. > >. > > >All of the above might have been forgivable if the script for THE >PHANTOM MENACE had even a few good or memorable lines of dialogue, OR >if the action sequences flowed into each other at all well... OR if the >comic relief character weren't so gruesomely tedious, irritating and >awful. > > > >But enough. I won't waste too much of my creative juices inveighing >against George Lucas. He is what he is & believes what he believes. >Taking on a billionaire is never productive... though nowadays it's >physically safe to do so. > > >That's worth noting. Ironically, it is safe to criticize the mighty >precisely because we live in a civilization that's already much more >like Star Trek than Star Wars. A place with halfway decent laws and >working institutions that would hinder a billionaire from taking direct >bodily revenge, even if he hates criticism. (Something even >'benevolent" despots did routinely in the old days.) An exquisite -- >though flawed -- scientific, egalitarian culture that enables guys like >Lucas and me to prosper at the very same time, even while we tell >conflicting stories about the future. > > >There's room for both of us... and lots of others, too. I just wish >George Lucas felt an iota of gratitude toward the technology, >philosophy, society and fellow citizens who got him where he is today. >A civilization that he owes absolutely everything. > > > > > >=========== > >=========== > >=========== > >=========== > >=========== > > >Notes: > > >* Like blowing up the shield projector in Return of the Jedi, which is >achieved entirely thanks to the wookie. (Neither Luke nor Leia (the >'Hopes') actually makes any real difference in achieving the Rebel >Alliance victory in that film! Think about it!) > > Or the computer virus shutting down all the shields in Independence >Day. > > Or Obiwan & the tractor beam in the original Episode IV. > > Or Logan's Run. And so on. Yeesh! Are villain >equipment-designers really THAT bad in every off-Earth empire? In >fairness, this cliche is endemic. Ever notice how, in Star Trek, Kirk >talked FIVE different super computers into self-destructing? If the >universe really is like this, we Earthlings are gonna kick butt when we >get out there! > > >** Re: blowing up badass ships from the inside.... note that the only >SW movie without this dreadfully cliched trick is THE EMPIRE STRIKES >BACK, again showing how TESB towers over the others in this lame >series. > > Actually, I guess PHANTOM MENACE is logically the first time the >trick gets used, since it's the 'earliest' of the movies, so let's be >forgiving. But then, if Annakin did this as a boy, don't you figure >he'd remember this nasty little design flaw, 40 years later, when he >helps Tarkin & the Emperor build the Death Star? > > > Oh, wait! I get it! Annakin was actually a secret Jedi spy all >along! VADER's the one who sent the secret plans to Leia's ship! He >arranged for the droids to get away, and coincidentally land just a few >miles from his hidden son! Remember how, a little later, he talks >Tarkin into "letting them go so we can trace them"? Likewise, he's >the only close-up witness to Obiwan disappearing when he supposedly >"killed" his master in that sword fight! (Maybe he actually helped >Obiwan pull a vanishing act.) Note that the "fight" with Obiwan helped >distract the guards & helped let Luke get away! > > But there's more. Remember how Vader "chased" Luke in that Tie >fighter... which had the chief effect of turning off all the >antiaircraft guns and giving the boy a clear shot to blow up the first >Death Star! (From which event, Vader is conveniently the only Imperial >survivor.) > > Recall how in TESB Vader offered to make Luke co-ruler? (Presumably >it would thus be a nicer dynasty than the emperor's). Then in Jedi >recall how Vader brought Luke aboard the second Death Star? Could it >be because he knew the kid would irritate the emperor and get him upset >enough to finally let Darth get a crack at him from behind? > > I knew there had to be some reason why Vader didn't detect his own >daughter -- all filled with that magic force shit -- when he grabbed >her arm and looked into her eyes in Episode... um... IV is it? He let >them both get away deliberately! > > Now there is an explanation that could get Vader into Jedi >Heaven! > > > Oh, but I forgot about the billions of people he helped kill. So >never mind. > > (Too bad. It was starting to look like I could make the Star Wars >Universe actually make sense. Alas, it cannot be done. Some miracles >are beyond authorial skill. Sigh.) > > > >*** This is why I actually like Luke Skywalker! He's a good dude who >remembers his friends. He goes after them even though Yoda tells him >he's not ready and it'll cause a disaster. (It doesn't! He does a lot >of good and comes back safely, though ticked off over being lied to. >Which is why Yoda fakes his own death, in order to avoid fessing-up.) > > Luke then goes back to Tatooine for Han. The scenes that follow >(in ROTJ) are execrably dumb. Nevertheless, Luke himself hangs in >there as a real hero, despite the lies he endured from his so-called >"masters." He's not very bright -- and can't act -- but he's a genuine >good guy, all the way. > > >Luke might be a demigod, but he'd be on our side. He doesn't like >despots. Not one little bit. > > > >**** Or in the words of on Lomberg <<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >http://www.transatlantech.com/TPS/gsp-art-lomberg.html "Talking about >this film as if it were really mythology is a sad joke about cultural >decline." > > > >Miscellaneous notes: > >Hey, speaking of the oven mitt... I mean Yoda. How come we never see >HIM take on an enemy with a light saber! Come on master, fire it up >and take on the Sith Lord! That's be a battle I'd pay to see! (His >secret? A long time ago, oven mitts were made of asbestos!) ></smaller></fontfamily> > > > __________________________________________________________ John D. Giorgis - [EMAIL PROTECTED] - ICQ #3527685 "The point of living in a Republic after all, is that we do not live by majority rule. We live by laws and a variety of isntitutions designed to check each other." -Andrew Sullivan 01/29/01
