FIRST IDIOT EVER LAUNCHED INTO SPACE. A milestone in human space achievement was reached today when an idiot was sent into space for the first time. The idiot, Dennis Tito, paid a reported 20 million dollars for a ride to the International Space Station. He is not a scientist and is not expected to add to the mission in any way except to offer mindless chatter, constant questions and unhelpful suggestions. As predicted, he has already broadcast his ignorance with several statements.on international television interviews. "This is really cool," he said on CNN. "David Bowie got this right. I am really sitting in a tin can" Mr. Tito will not contribute to the science experiments aboard the aircraft-- Mostly, he will listen to music watch old movies and chat with girlfriends on Earth through a ham radio. He has pledged to pay for anything he breaks. Given that he is an idiot, the cost could be high. The presence of an idiot on the Space Station is expected to reduce the amount of time the cosmonauts can spend on useful experiments, as they will constantly be answering questions from Tito, which have already been numerous. "Now Yuri," he asked on one occasion. "Tell me again... what is the big Yellow thing out the window over there?" "That's the Sun. Mr. Tito." "Oh, yeah. Right. Gotta start writing this stuff down." But despite the questions his Russian hosts have warmed up to him. "He gave us 20 millions of dollars--billions of rubles;" said Yuri Usachev. "Do you know how much vodka that buys?" ;-)
