----- Original Message -----
From: "K.Feete" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: "Brin Listserve" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Sunday, July 22, 2001 10:52 PM
Subject: Re: Loneliness in America
>
> However, I don't think religious *feeling* is at all strong in America
> these days. Going to church doth not a Christian make; these people, at
> least in my experience, have not found something to believe in but
> something else to hide behind.
Might I suggest that your casual observations of Christians may not be quite
sufficient to totally fathom their interior spiritual life? Look, I realize
that many 21 year olds (I'm close at least I think on your age) can look at
Christians and talk about all the hypocrites going to church. But, as one
of the other elders reminded me about his discussions with his non church
going father in law who didn't go to church because its filled with
hypocrites "church isn't filled with hypocrites, its filled with sinners."
There is no doubt that you can observe Christians and prove that they don't
live up to their ideals. I know I don't. Indeed, dealing with the
impossibility of actually living up to the ideals of one's faith, living
according to God's law, is near the core of Christianity. As Paul says
"that which I would do, I do not; that which I would not do, I do; oh
wretched man that I am."
At this point, Christians rely on grace. A full discussion of this would be
more than L3. Let me just recommend "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich
Bohnhoffer (sp) as a wonderful book giving a modern Christian understanding
of falling short and grace. (BTW, he doesn't allow cheap outs..he has a
chapter on cheap grace and costly grace.).
>A great many of the people I know are not happy.
Well, I think that the bar for happiness has been raised from what it was 50
years ago or 100 years ago. Back 100 years ago, people worried about where
they would live, having enough food, whether this cough or cut would turn
into death for a loved one. I don't think they worried about whether they
were happy; they took what life gave them and moved on. That doesn't mean
that depression and suicide are new; my wife sees signs of suicide in the
patterns of reports of people's deaths in her genealogy research. And,
there were plenty of rapes and murders reported in the small town presses
back then. But, they didn't sit and worry about whether they were happy.
>People in my grandparents' generation
> (including my grandparents) are unhappy because they feel unloved,
> unwanted, useless, and absolutely hopelessly out of date; their kids
> don't have time to visit; they're retired and have no jobs; they
> themselves can't find anything or any way in which they can contribute to
> the world. People of my parent's generation and slightly older seem
> unhappy as well- they aren't getting what was "coming to them." Their
> kids are messed up and they don't know why; they can't talk to them;
> they're on their second or third marriage and things still aren't going
> right; or maybe still their first marriage, and they can't remember why
> they married in the first place.
Well, you certainly paint a much darker picture than I experience. Let me
suggest a couple of reasons for this:
1) You may be matching reality against the ideal. We all fall short of
that.
2) Happiness is not constant pleasure. Life is full of frustrations, one
needs to find the joy of life in the midst of these frustrations.
3) You may be hearing the complaints of people without fathoming the source
of their joy. Kvetching seems to be a national pastime, but it doesn't
necessarily mean that there is no joy in people's lives.
4) Your sample set is different from mine. I come from a family of deep
faith and have married into one. The faith that we share is a foundation
that we can stand on in good times and in bad.
>(How many kids my age have honestly told
> me they didn't believe their parents had had sex since they were
> concieved? Sex isn't a measure of happiness, but still, there's something
> wrong there.)
ROTFL. I think this is funny, not because a lack of a sex life is not a
sign of problems in a relationship (physical difficulties excluded of
course), but at the idea that kids really know what their parent's sex life
is like. I would suggest that kids have about as much trouble accepting the
sexuality of their parents as parents have accepting the sexuality of their
kids. We are fairly open about things in our family, and our kids yell
"shut up shut up, I don't want to hear this" if we broach the subject in the
most appropriate and delicate matter possible.
>They have the house, they have the car, they have the lifestyle, but still
something's wrong.
That alone isn't enough. I certainly agree with that. People I hang around
with have a great deal more. They spend a lot of time working with the
youth in the community, working with people stricken with AIDS, working with
the poor in Houston, across the border and in Africa. While we do fall far
short of true discipleship, we do find many sources of joy.
Indeed, its not just the doing that matters. Its the ability to find the
grace in the moment. Even with depression, abuse, job loss, anxiety, there
is still grace and wonder in the moment. Being able to be in touch with
this is, IMHO, the source of true joy.
>People of my generation aren't happy.
But, I know a number of people about your age that seem reasonably happy to
me.
>They feel like their entire life has been planned out for them and
> they've only got one direction to go.
Well, my daughter decided on the ministry after we were sure she was going
into law. Why can't they change?
>Worrying about the government is pointless: there's nothing they can do to
change it.
That may be a popular sentiment, but its wrong. There is nothing easy that
can be done, that's true.
>Worrying about the environment is pointless: it's all going to shit
anyway, no way to stop it.
Things are much better than when I was your age. I'm not saying we should
sit on our laurels, but gloom and doom doesn't help.
>All you can possibly do is worry about your self, and therefore I'm
> going to college, even though I don't want to, because then I'll get a
> good job. I'll be happy. Tomorrow.
Why in the world can't they do something to just help a few people just a
little? I agree everyone needs something larger than themselves to be
dedicated to. I agree that everyone needs to have faith in something. But,
what I find amazing is a parallel dissing of conventional religions for the
failings of the members and a parallel longing for that which I find through
my faith.
I'm not jumping at you, because I don't think you have been unpleasant or
nasty about it. But, I do see the discontinuity. Perhaps it would be
worthwhile to accept human imperfections while still striving for
perfection.
Dan M.
>
> People feel *trapped*. Trapped is not happy.
>
"you shall know the truth, and truth shall set you free." :-)
