"Marvin Long, Jr." wrote:
> As for Nick's question, I will say there's one thing I haven't felt
> comfortable doing so far on Brin-L regarding this awful mess, and that's
> saying what I feel. By which I mean, turning off the internal editor and
> just letting it all gush out. Of course, turning off the internal editor
> is a bad idea on a mailing list, but I wonder if it would be worthwhile to
> let people write rants, a bit like scream therapy or something, just so long
> as they preface their posts with "this is a rant" *and* don't tear into
> listmembers. Because, personally, I'd really like to vent my feelings
> without being required to document and defend every other sentence,
> because in a lot of respects my feelings are somewhat at odds with my
> more rational appraisal of the state of the US and of the world.
>
> On the other hand, the feelings might make a lot more sense if I edit them
> first. Sigh.
I had stuff I was really wanting to share on Friday, but there were 2
constraints:
1) Sammy. (Anyone who's had a baby will understand.) Couldn't
guarantee enough time to put together anything coherent.
2) Fear of being flamed. In spite of the manifesto, and the number of
people signing it, there was still flaming and anger between
listmembers.
Actually, the flaming was pissing me off as much as anything else, but I
couldn't come up with a polite way of pointing out that flaming was
taking place, it was bugging me that much.
I started drafting something to respond to the apparent equation of
anger with hatred, and lost it when I hit the wrong button at the wrong
moment. By the time I could start reconstructing it, that particular
hurdle seemed to have been overcome, so I figured there wasn't much
point in putting in the time to do it. I might be persuaded to change
my mind on that, if anyone still wants that topic discussed.
The rest that I'm about to type isn't so much about the list, but what's
been going on with me.
On Tuesday, we were worried about our relative Steve; Dan was just
wandering around somewhat dazed and worried, and needing for me not to
get in his space, so I took care of Sammy, surfed the myriad cable
channels available to me, checked e-mail, waited for my sister to call
in at appointed times, etc. Wednesday was more of the same, except that
we knew that Steve was OK and got more details on what had happened with
him. Thursday it just got to be too much, and if I hadn't started
getting depressed on Wednesday, it was kicking in on Thursday. Friday
was just bad. Saturday evening, something happened, and I realized that
I was going to be all right and my appetite came back. (I was starting
to get worried about that -- I was making myself eat because I had to
eat enough to make milk, but at one of the worst crises I've faced in my
life, I pretty much didn't eat for 3 days, and lack of appetite is a red
flag for me for depression.) I may need to vent some in the coming
weeks, but whatever need I had for dumping anything anywhere last week
has passed for the time being. I just wish I'd been comfortable dumping
some of it here last week and I wasn't. Part of it is me; I have an
idea of how people here perceive me and I didn't want to mess that up,
and imposed self-censorship.
Julia
