A lady gave birth to identical twins but had to give them up for adoption. One went to Egypt and was called Amal, the other to Spain and was called Juan. On his 18th birthday, Juan, having tracked his mother down, sent her a photo. "Oh I'm so happy" she exclaimed to her husband, "but I do so wish that I had a photo of Amal as well". "But they're identical", he replied - "Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal". *************************************************************************** Picabo Street donated money to the hospital in her home town. The hospital was so honored by her gesture they're naming a wing in the hospital after her. They're calling it Picabo I.C.U. *************************************************************************** Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife." *************************************************************************** Ok .. all we need is 8 more puns. That way I can say that none of the puns made me laugh .. yes .. that's right .. you heard me: No pun in ten did. *************************************************************************** Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting." **************************************************************************** "What do you mean we can't go to Chez M. for dinner tonight?" "Well, they've closed it for redecorating." "Why is that?" "Well, it used to have this over-sentimental decor until new owners bought the place and redid it. But people began staying away in droves so the new owners are--" "Oh, no." "Yep, they're re-maudlin." ************************************************************************* So a pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender is serving him, he notices that the pirate has a steering wheel jutting out from his crotch. Curious, but not wishing to be impolite, the bartender keeps his mouth shut. Over the course of the evening, the pirate returns to the bar several times to get more drinks. Each time the bartender grows more and more curious about the steering wheel coming from the pirate's crotch. Finally the bartender gets tired of wondering and blurts out, "I'm sorry, sir, but I couldn't help notice that you have a steering while jutting out from your crotch. Why is that?" The pirate responds, "ARR! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!" ************************************************************************** The teacher left her aide in the classroom to distribute the examination materials to the graduating class of the all-male private school. Her final instructions were "Be sure to *hand* everything out very carefully and deliberately." The aide puzzled over this for a moment but couldn't understand it. He began giving out the papers, but due to his inexperience found himself only a quarter done with just a few minutes left until the exam was due to start. Desperate, he gathered up the rest of the sheets and began to throw them across the room, yelling "Catch!" to each student as he did so. At first it was kind of a playful game, but soon he noticed that even the students not involved in the sport were beginning to breath heavier. As the panting turned into grunting, he began to be a little nervous and backed toward the door, staring from side to side as the behaviour became more and more -- the only word he could think of - - primitive. As he reached the bottom of the pile of papers and pitched it to the last student, the room erupted with howling and growling. He was certain he could see the students phyically transforming before his eyes. With a shout of fright he turned and ran as quickly as he could to the teachers' lounge. The teacher took one look at him and leapt to her feet. Startled, he put a hand to his face and, with a shock, felt a heavy growth of beard that certainly hadn't been there that morning. Without a word, the teacher rushed from the room, grabbing her aide's wrist on the way by. Frantically, they sprinted back to the classroom. As they rounded the corner, they saw that they were too late. The door had been torn from its hinges and they glimpsed the hairy back of the missing-link-like creature that, until mere minutes before, had been a student with at least a veneer of civilization. They entered the classroom side by side and stopped dead, as though choreographed. The destruction was complete: desks smashed into fragments, blackboards cracked, shredded sheets of the exam everywhere. She said nothing, but the teacher's eyes were full of reproach. "But why did it happen?" asked the bewildered assistant. "You fool, Don't you know what happens to men when they get too much test tossed around?" xponent Boring Day Maru rob
