Let's take the cheese.
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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- COLLEGE LIFE
http://www.topfive.com/fivers.shtml
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April 29, 2002
NOTE FROM DANNY:
Next week marks the beginning of final exams for
college students across the country. This is a
very stressful time but it could be even more
stressful if their exams include any of these.
The Top 7 Questions That You Wouldn't Want to See on a Final Exam
7> ITALIAN: Whassamattawidyou?
6> CHEMISTRY: How much sugar in the gas tank would it take to
sufficiently total the car of that cheapskate-of-dean-who-
wouldn't-give-me-a-raise-despite-being-here for-twenty-two-
years?
5> BUSINESS: Create a Fortune 500 company from your pocket
change. Detail any anti-trust suits currently pending.
4> ECONOMICS: How much cash you got on you RIGHT NOW?
3> POETRY: Write a sonnet, and end the first line with the word
"orange."
2> DISSECTION: You gonna eat that?
and the Number 1 Question That You
Wouldn't Want to See on a Final Exam...
1> HUMAN SEXUALITY: Why haven't you called since you slept
with me to get an A on the midterm?
[ Copyright 2002 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 65 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top 5 List authors are:
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Jeffrey Anbinder, Cornell University -- 1
Kim Walker-Daniels, N. Illinois University -- 2
Gavin Priebe, Kennesaw State University -- 3
Brian Foster, Michigan State University -- 4
G. Mike Klockow, Purdue University -- 5
Amber M. Noel, George Washington University -- 6
Fran Fruit, Michigan State University -- 7
Danny Gallagher, UT Austin -- List Moderator, RA
Lynyrd Skynyrd, Jacksonville, Florida -- Ambience
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Questions That You Wouldn't Want to See on a Final Exam
WOODCHUCK list -- Chucked
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ANIMAL BIOSCIENCE: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a
woodchuck could chuck wood?
(Bryan Koval, Penn State)
ADVANCED LOGISTICS: Assuming that he can chuck wood, how much wood
could a woodchuck chuck?
(Craig D. Barker, University of Michigan)
MATH: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
chuck wood?
(Julie Carlson, St. Cloud State University)
FORESTRY: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck
could chuck wood?
(Kim Walker-Daniels, Northern Illinois University)
ENVIRONMENTAL CONSERVATION: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
(Scott Thompson, Upsala College)
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Questions That You Wouldn't Want to See on a Final Exam
RUNNERS UP list -- Questionable Humor
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THEOLOGY: Speak to God. Obtain His autograph to turn in by end of
class.
(G. Mike Klockow, Purdue University)
HISTORY: Who shot J.R.?
(Julie Carlson, St. Cloud State University)
COMPARATIVE ANATOMY: If I show you mine, will you show me yours?
(Kim Walker-Daniels, Northern Illinois University)
BIOLOGY: Clone Dinosaurs. Determine if they taste like chicken.
(G. Mike Klockow, Purdue University)
ARCHITECTURE: Enclosed are the blueprints for the Empire state
building. Which bathroom faucet is out of place?
(Gavin Priebe, Kennesaw State University)
ASTRONOMY: What is the odor of the soil encrusting Uranus?
(Julie Carlson, St. Cloud State University)
FASHION DESIGN: Does this make my ass look big?
(Bryan Koval, Penn State)
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING: Assume Al Gore needs a replacement head.
Design an upgrade assuming he plans to *successfully* run for
office one of these years.
(G. Mike Klockow, Purdue University)
FRENCH: Which of these scratch-n-sniff boxes contains the
distinctive odor of an unshowered Frenchman?
(Kim Moser, New York Institute of Technology)
ACCOUNTING: Please open the envelope included with the exam and
reassemble these Enron documents.
(Craig D. Barker, University of Michigan)
Runner Up list name
(Mary Ann McDonald, Whatsammatta U)
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Questions That You Wouldn't Want to See on a Final Exam
HONORABLE MENTION list -- Exam Weak
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STATISTICS: If you continue working at your present job in the
current market, what are the probabilities you'll soon be asking
the question, "Do you want fries with that?"
(Mary Ann McDonald, Whatsammatta U)
LITERATURE: Compose an epic poem in ancient Greek. As your source
material you have the works of the Country Music Hall of Fame, and
Run DMC.
(Gavin Priebe, Kennesaw State University)
HUMAN SEXUALITY: See me after class.
(G. Mike Klockow, Purdue University)
CRIMINOLOGY: Aren't *YOU* the REAL KILLER?
(Mary Ann McDonald, Whatsammatta U)
VETERINARY SCIENCE: Cat got your tongue?
(Fran Fruit, Michigan State University)
PHYSICS: Reproduce the initial conditions of the Big Bang. Detail
results.
(G. Mike Klockow, Purdue University)
HUMAN SEXUALITY: Wanna get it on?
(Amber M. Noel, George Washington University)
CRIMINAL LAW: True or False - OJ did it.
(Julie Carlson, St. Cloud State University)
CRISIS MANAGEMENT: Please open the box next to you. Inside is a
bomb, you have 22 minutes to defuse it. Good luck.
(Craig D. Barker, University of Michigan)
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