What Aliens Do All Day . . .
8:15 AM Leave asteroid for work. 9:00 AM Hover over cornfield on outskirts of small Midwestern town. 9:30 AM Land in backyard where housewife is hanging laundry. Silence barking dog with penetrating gaze. 10:00 AM Stun housewife with laser-gun or energy pulsating fingertips. Levitate her body just long enough to be glimpsed by a passing motorist. Materialize the body inside spaceship. Remove internal organs; weigh, label and categorize. Return most, if not all, to the body. Erase all traces of surgery. Rematerialize housewife in backyard. Turn back time two hours. Bid enigmatic good-bye. Leave. 1:10 PM Visit once prestigious astronomer who everyone thinks has gone mad. Deliver pep talk. Leave him fist-sized fragments of an unidentifiable element. 2:15 PM Drop by Whitley Strieber's house, pick up royalty check from best seller _Communion_. 3:00 PM It's Saturday; Beam Mulder psychic impressions where to go next. 3:20 PM Hover over southwestern desert. 3:30 PM Offer psychotic drifter a lift. 4:30 PM Pose for cover of "Weekly World News" with Pres. Bush. Discuss ozone depletion, space travel, future political endorsements. 6:30 PM Back at the asteroid. Introduce psychotic drifter to other aliens. Listen to Windham Hill. 9:00 PM Dinner. Eat drifter. 10:00 PM Wash antennae, brush eyeballs, peel off outer layer of skin. Beam cryptic message to NASA satellite. Lights out.
