----- Original Message ----- From: "Jim Sharkey" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Sunday, October 27, 2002 9:18 AM Subject: Re: Parenting advise from an old man who's done a lot of parenting
> > Ronn Blankenship wrote: > > >At 06:54 AM 10/27/02, J. van Baardwijk wrote: > >>At 21:33 26-10-2002 -0500, Dan Minette wrote: > >> > >>>I thought this might be a good time to offer general parenting > >>>advise for those list members who have small children. > >> > >>Why would this be a good time for it? > >> > >>Maybe it is because of the whining about my attempts to improve > >>this list, or maybe I am getting paranoid, but the combination of > >>timing and content of your post suggests to me that you really > >>want to say: "Jeroen, you really should raise Tom the way I think > >>you should, otherwise he is going to be just as big a pain in the > >>ass as you are". > > > > I for one didn't take it that way. > > Nor did I. The thought never occurred to me, and I certainly *hope* that wasn't Dan's intent, because I really believed his advice to be pretty solid and worthwhile. If it was a veiled attempt to bust Jeroen's balls, I'd be a little disappointed. It was not an attempt to bust Jeroen's chops. If that's what I want to do, I can do that straight up, just fine, thank you. Several things triggered the post. 1) The debate concerning whether one's actions are caused by others or one's own responsibility came up again. 2) Debbie made some mention about parenting requirements 3) Difficulties with teenagers were brought up on another list...which got me thinking. 4) I've recently been reminded that the kid who shot one of my former girl scouts in the face last May (both were seniors at the time) was arrested for killing ducks about 6 years before. The parents didn't do much about it besides making sure he had the best lawyers. 5) I've thought about another friend who has had repeated heartbreak with an adopted son who had a troubled past before she adopted him at 9. 6) I fussed at my son for bad habits that my wife pointed out that he got from me. 7) I thought about other kids who we thought would be in trouble as teenagers when they were 8, and now they are. 8) I thought about the young woman who lives with us for a short bit now and who came from a home with addiction and irresponsible behavior as parents, and what a burden it placed on her. I'll admit that I think that it would be worthwhile for folks with young children to think about their own habits with respect to accepting responsibility for their own actions. I'll also admit that I have my own guesses as to who would benefit most from such meditation. But, those guesses are really not that important. If you think it might apply to you, then it wouldn't hurt to do a better job of accepting responsibility for your own actions. Even if you are someone who is doing a good job, doing a little better will pay off in the long run. Its too late for me to do that; my youngest is 16. I still have almost 3 years of work before he is gone, but the die is pretty well cast, now. But, its not too late for others. If you want to take my advise with a grain of salt, that's fine. But, I don't see parents of teenagers and older on the list, and I know there are some, contradicting me. So, it makes sense that what I said is considered valid and useful by other "war" veterans. So, Jeroen, I am not trying to publicly point fingers at anyone. I really see no value in people speculating over who it applies to. I do see value in thinking about whether it applies to one's own modeling for one's children. I certainly don't want a thread on who really needs to take this advise started. However, a thread on general application might very well be worthwhile. Dan M. _______________________________________________ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
