================================================================== � � � �� TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS� --� SCIENCE FICTION � � � � � � � � http://www.topfive.com/fivers.shtml ==================================================================
� � � � � � � � � � � �� December 10, 2002 � � � � � �� The Top 10 Things That Would Be Different � � � � � � � � If Santa Were a Science Fiction Geek 10> You asked for a train set, but got George Takei's makeup towel � � from "Wrath of Khan" instead. 9> Changes into a jolly red goo to easily slide down chimneys. 8> "And I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,'Reconfigure � � the deflector array, and make the jump to light!'" 7> Attack of the Clones would still suck. (Some things even Santa � � can't change.) 6> All the little boys would be getting anatomically correct Xena � � dolls for Christmas. 5> No toys, but children all over the world get an e-mail � � explaining 47 reasons why the trip is scientifically impossible. 4> Cloned copies in malls across the country. Sleigh travels � � faster than light. What do you mean "if"? 3> "Naughty/Nice" list replaced with a "Kirk/Picard" list. 2> Christmas would have 36 minutes of never-before-seen-footage. � � and the Number 1 Thing That Would Be Different If Santa � � � � � � � �� Were a Science Fiction Geek... 1> For starters, he'd never go out on a mission dressed in red. � � � � � � � [�� Copyright 2002 by Chris White� � ] � � � � � � � [� � �� http://www.topfive.com� � �� ] ------------------------------------------------------------------ � � � � �� Things That Would Be Different If Santa Were � � � � � � � � � �� a Science Fiction Geek � � � � � � �� RUNNERS UP list� --� Milk And Nanites ------------------------------------------------------------------ Mrs. Claus would be a busty blonde with a willing attitude and a tight ass, all in a spandex body suit. � � � � � (Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC) Santa's elves would be replaced with R2 droids. � � � � � (Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC) Lives at the North Pole, inside an ancient alien vessel frozen miles beneath the ice. � � � � � (Toby Click, Macon, GA) Every rooftop entered into the sleigh's on-board GPS system. � � � � � (Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia) "Now, Hatcher! Now, Sisko! Now, Janeway and Kirk! On, Odo! On, Jean-Luc! we must get to work!! >From Uhura to Chapel, and Troi to T'Pol Let's take it to warp speed, and dash away all!" � � � � � (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA) I would have gotten the movies and toys I wanted as a kid, instead of @#$% underwear and socks. � � � � � (Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD) He'd refuse to deliver "Phantom Menace" DVDs on general principles. � � � � � (Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD) ------------------------------------------------------------------ � � � � �� Things That Would Be Different If Santa Were � � � � � � � � � �� a Science Fiction Geek � � � � �� HONORABLE MENTION list� --� Lumps Of Mutants ------------------------------------------------------------------ Naughty kids get lumps of Ice-Nine in their stockings. � � � � � (Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL) Grinch problems? Unleash massive robots! � � � � � (RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS) Krow T. Robot guides the sleigh in Rudolph's old spot; with Joel Hodgson and Mike Nelson as "pit crew." � � � � � (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA) Rudolph's nose would serve as a navigational deflector array. � � � � � (Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL) "Oh, why am I such a missssssfitztzt... error... ERROR...ELF-DESTRUCT IN TEN SECONDS... NINE..." � � � � � (Guy Payne, Birmingham, AL) "On Heinlein, on Pournelle, on Norton and Niven! On Asimov, Zelazny, on Sturgeon and Gibson!" � � � � � (Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL) No reindeer needed with artificial wormholes and access to a stargate. � � � � � (Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL) ================================================================== [� � � � � � � � � TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS� � � � � � � � �� ] [� � � � � � "Top 10" lists on a variety of subjects� � � � � �� ] [� � � � � � � � � �� http://www.topfive.com� � � � � � � � � �� ] ================================================================== [� � � Copyright 2002 by Chris White�� All rights reserved.� � � ] [� � � � �� Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use� � � � �� ] [� � � � � in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"� � � �� ] ================================================================== [� � �� To complain to the moderator: [EMAIL PROTECTED]� � � ] [� �� Have friends who might like to subscribe to this list?� �� ] [� � � � � Refer them to: [EMAIL PROTECTED]� � � �� ] ================================================================== _______________________________________________ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
