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WASHINGTON, DC�Flanked by key members of Congress and his administration,
President Bush approved Monday a streamlined version of the Bill of
Rights that pares its 10 original amendments down to a "tight,
no-nonsense" six.

A Republican initiative that went unopposed by congressional Democrats,
the revised Bill of Rights provides citizens with a "more manageable" set
of privacy and due-process rights by eliminating four amendments and
condensing and/or restructuring five others. The Second Amendment, which
protects the right to keep and bear arms, was the only article left
unchanged.

Calling the historic reduction "a victory for America," Bush promised
that the new document would do away with "bureaucratic impediments to the
flourishing of democracy at home and abroad."

"It is high time we reaffirmed our commitment to this enduring symbol of
American ideals," Bush said. "By making the Bill of Rights a tool for
progress instead of a hindrance to freedom, we honor the true spirit of
our nation's forefathers."

The Fourth Amendment, which long protected citizens' homes against
unreasonable search and seizure, was among the eliminated amendments.
Also stricken was the Ninth Amendment, which stated that the enumeration
of certain Constitutional rights does not result in the abrogation of
rights not mentioned.

"Quite honestly, I could never get my head around what the Ninth
Amendment meant anyway," said outgoing House Majority Leader Dick Armey
(R-TX), one of the leading advocates of the revised Bill of Rights. "So
goodbye to that one."

Amendments V through VII, which guaranteed the right to legal counsel in
criminal cases, and guarded against double jeopardy, testifying against
oneself, biased juries, and drawn-out trials, have been condensed into
Super-Amendment V: The One About Trials.

Attorney General John Ashcroft hailed the slimmed-down Bill of Rights as
"a positive step."

"Go up to the average citizen and ask them what's in the Bill of Rights,"
Ashcroft said. "Chances are, they'll have only a vague notion. They just
know it's a set of rules put in place to protect their individual
freedoms from government intrusion, and they assume that's a good thing."

Ashcroft responded sharply to critics who charge that the Bill of Rights
no longer safeguards certain basic, inalienable rights.

"We're not taking away personal rights; we're increasing personal
security," Ashcroft said. "By allowing for greater government control
over the particulars of individual liberties, the Bill of Rights will now
offer expanded personal freedoms whenever they are deemed appropriate and
unobtrusive to the activities necessary to effective operation of the
federal government."

Ashcroft added that, thanks to several key additions, the Bill of Rights
now offers protections that were previously lacking, including the right
to be protected by soldiers quartered in one's home (Amendment III), the
guarantee that activities not specifically delegated to the states and
people will be carried out by the federal government (Amendment VI), and
freedom of Judeo-Christianity and non-combative speech (Amendment I).

According to U.S. Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID), the original Bill of Rights,
though well-intentioned, was "seriously outdated."

"The United States is a different place than it was back in 1791," Craig
said. "As visionary as they were, the framers of the Constitution never
could have foreseen, for example, that our government would one day need
to jail someone indefinitely without judicial review. There was no such
thing as suspicious Middle Eastern immigrants back then."

Ashcroft noted that recent FBI efforts to conduct investigations into
"unusual activities" were severely hampered by the old Fourth Amendment.

"The Bill of Rights was written more than 200 years ago, long before
anyone could even fathom the existence of wiretapping technology or
surveillance cameras," Ashcroft said. "Yet through a bizarre fluke, it
was still somehow worded in such a way as to restrict use of these
devices. Clearly, it had to go before it could do more serious damage in
the future."

The president agreed.

"Any machine, no matter how well-built, periodically needs a tune-up to
keep it in good working order," Bush said. "Now that we have the bugs
worked out of the ol' Constitution, she'll be purring like a kitten when
Congress reconvenes in January�just in time to work on a new round of
counterterrorism legislation."

"Ten was just too much of a handful," Bush added. "Six civil liberties
are more than enough."

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