> From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]] On > Behalf Of Julia Thompson > Sent: Thursday, February 13, 2003 4:18 PM > To: Killer Bs Discussion > Subject: Re: POLICY PROPOSAL: The list and copyright > > Jon Gabriel wrote: > > > It's still stereotyping. It's still wrong. And, IMO, it's a rather > > hypocritical sentiment coming from someone who uses the phrase 'zero > > tolerence for intolerence' as part of his sig line. > > Isn't that somewhat oxymoronic, anyway? >
Gosh, we should play him some live bagpipe music as punishment! :-) *grin* I ripped these 47 bagpipe jokes from robertrife.com: Ireland gave the Scots the bagpipes . . . and they still haven't gotten the joke yet. Now, here's a thought: How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? Q. What do you call 100 bagpipes at the bottom of the sea? A. A good start. Q. Why do pipers walk when they play? A. They are trying to get away from the sound! A2. Moving targets are harder to hit. Q. Why does everyone hate the bagpipes right off? A. Saves time. Q. How can you tell the difference between bagpipe songs? A. By their names. Q. What do you call a happy song played on the pipes? A. Ha! Yeah, right. Q. What's one thing you never hear people say? A. Oh, that's the bagpipe player's Porsche. Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison? A. Shoot one. Q. What's the definition of a minor second? A. Two bagpipes playing in unison. "Gentleman" defined: Someone who knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn't. Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe. Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline. Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get away from the bagpipe recital. Q. Why do bagpipers leave their cases on their dashboards? A. So they can park in handicapped zones. Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks. Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention. Q. What's the difference between the Great Highland and Northumbrian bagpipes? A. The GHB burns longer [but the Northumbrian burns hotter] Q. What do you call bagpiper with half a brain? A. Gifted. Q. What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A. You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it. Q. How many bagpipers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Five, one to handle the bulb and the other four to contemplate how Bill Livingston would have done it. Q. How many bagpipers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Five --one to do it, and four to criticise his fingering style. Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus? A. The out of tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating. Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe? A. Add vibrato. Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road? A. Skid marks in front of the snake. Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road? A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session. Q. What's the range of a bagpipe? A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm. Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A. A bagpiper. Someone once said, "You don't PLAY bagpipes, you WIELD them." Q. What did the bagpiper get on his I.Q. test? A. Drool. Q. What's the definition of a quarter tone? A. A bagpiper tuning his drones. Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning? A. They rarely strike the same spot twice. Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune? A. Someone is blowing into it. Q. Why is a bagpipe like a Scud missile? A. Both are offensive and inaccurate. Q. How do you know if a bagpipe band is at your front door? A. No one knows when to come in. Q. Why did the bagpiper get mad at the drummer? A. He moved a drone and wouldn't tell him which one. Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean? A. A start. Scottish Scholar's conversation with Mother: "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied. "They're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams and screams, away into the night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes." Q. If you drop a bagpipe and a watermelon off a tall building, which will hit the ground first? A. Who cares? Q. How late does the bagpipe band play? A. Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer. Q. What does a bagpiper wear under his kilt? A. Shoes and socks. Q. Why do they call it a "kilt"? A. Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt. Q: How do you get two pipers in tune with each other? A: Shoot one of them. Q. What's the difference between a cat in the road and a bagpipe in the road? A. People usually swerve to MISS the cat. Q. What's the definition of "optimism" A. A bagpiper with a beeper. Q. What's the difference between a bagpiper and a frog? A. The frog might be getting a gig. _______________________________________________ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
