==================================================================
Visits? That would indicate visitors!
TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- SCIENCE FICTION
http://www.topfive.com/fivers.shtml
==================================================================June 6, 2003
NOTE FROM GREG:
Mental health workers recently put out a call for
interpreters who speak Klingon, saying that many
of their patients refuse to speak anything but the
fictional language. The story was later recanted,
but still...The Top 5 Klingon Resume and Job Search Tips
5> Always sign your cover letter with the blood of your enemies.
4> If your new co-worker has a Swingline stapler, claim it in
the name of the Empire. 3> During the interview, it is not necessary to kill the
interviewer when he asks if you have any weaknesses. 2> Listing the names of slain enemies in battle should only be
provided on request, rather than part of the initial resume.and the Number 1 Klingon Resume and Job Search Tip...
1> DON'T say "Fired for surfing porn." DO say "Completed successful research of individuals who had dishonored themselves."
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
================================================================== Selected from 27 submissions from 8 contributors. Today's Top 5 List authors are: ------------------------------------------------------------------ RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS -- 1, 4, List Topic Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC -- 2, 3 Lisa Comeau, Toronto, Canada -- 5, Runner Up list name Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada -- Dark Lord Of The Sith
------------------------------------------------------------------
Klingon Resume and Job Search Tips
RUNNERS UP list -- You want ritual disembowelment with that?
------------------------------------------------------------------Target your resume -- when applying for a position in the
humanities, your success on the killing fields is not relevant.
(Lisa Comeau, Toronto, Canada)It is always good etiquette when, after saying, "That wasn't a
prostitute you saw me with, that was your dishonorable MOTHER!!!"
you let your interviewer draw his weapon first.
(Guy Payne, Birmingham, AL)Refrain from decapitating your interviewer with your bat'leth
until *after* you've filled out the employment forms.
(Lisa Comeau, Toronto, Canada)"Reason for leaving last job: Killed Boss."
(Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH)Get a job as a New York cabdriver -- no one will notice the
difference.
(Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD)When offered a cup of coffee by the interviewer, do not consider
him your enemy, and take the offered cup.
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)Don't sign a contract which specifies that you get "severance"
when they're done with you.
(Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD)------------------------------------------------------------------
Klingon Resume and Job Search Tips
HONORABLE MENTION list -- Kling-it Notes
------------------------------------------------------------------Job references, like gagh, are best served alive.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)Just because the ad describes the ideal candidate as "aggressive,"
actually bringing your bat'leth to the interview really isn't
necessary.
(Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)If the interviewer mispronounces your family name, do not growl. A
second offense would warrant killing, but only after you have
attempted to correct the mistake.
(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)On a Klingon resume, it is always a good day to lie.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)It is not necessary to "mark" your resume, your name will be
enough to identify you and human noses cannot distinguish nor
appreciate the fine differences in Klingon piddle.
(Guy Payne, Birmingham, AL)Unless specifically asked, *do not* sing selections from Klingon
opera at a first interview.
(Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)Cite Kahless as a reference. It's impressive, and nobody really
checks, anyway.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)================================================================== [ TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS ] [ "Top 10" lists on a variety of subjects ] [ http://www.topfive.com ] ================================================================== [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ] [ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ] ================================================================== [ To complain to the moderator: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ] [ Have friends who might like to subscribe to this list? ] [ Refer them to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ] ==================================================================
_______________________________________________ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
