If only I was good enough to write so horribly. George A
P.S. Top posting ain't bad all the time. ----- Original Message ----- From: "Robert Seeberger" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Tuesday, July 22, 2003 6:51 AM Subject: Worst Opening Sentences Contest 2003 > > > > 2003 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. > http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2003.htm > > Winner > "They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each > other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange > and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white > . . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain > American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, > yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently." > > Ms. Mariann Simms > Wetumpka, AL > > > Runner-Up > "The flock of geese flew overhead in a "V" formation - not in an > old-fashioned-looking Times New Roman kind of a "V", branched out slightly > at the two opposite arms at the top of the "V", nor in a more > modern-looking, straight and crisp, linear Arial sort of "V" (although since > they were flying, Arial might have been appropriate), but in a slightly > asymmetric, tilting off-to-one-side sort of italicized Courier New-like > "V" - and LaFonte knew that he was just the type of man to know the > difference." > > John Dotson (U.S. Naval Officer) > Arlington, VA > > > Grand Panjandrum's Special Prize > "Colin grabbed the switchgear and slammed the spritely Vauxhall Vixen > into a lower gear as he screamed through the roundabout heading toward the > familiar pink rowhouse in Puking-On-The-Wold, his mind filled with the image > of his comely Olive, dressed in some lacy underthing, waiting on the couch > with only a smile and a cucumber sandwich, hoping that his lunch hour would > provide sufficient time for both a naughty little romp and a digestive > biscuit." > > Randy Groom > Visalia, CA > > Winner: Science Fiction > > Colonel Cleatus Yorbville had been one seriously bored astronaut for the > first few months of his diplomatic mission on the third planet of the > Frangelicus XIV system, but all that had changed on the day he'd discovered > that his tiny, multipedal and infinitely hospitable alien hosts were not > only edible but tasted remarkably like that stuff that's left on the pan > after you've made cinnamon buns and burned them a little. > Mark Silcox > Auburn AL 36830 > > > Runner-Up: > 'Theeeey're here!' whispered Billy Joe under his foul breath through > yellowed teeth as brilliant white light permeated all of the windows of his > trailer, and he flashed back to fragmented recollections of the previous > four abductions--the questions, the pain, the probe--which he was powerless > to stop but this time was better prepared for, having just finished a > seventh bean burrito, a case of Bud, and four packs of Pop Rocks. > Jim Sheppeck II > Newtown, PA > > > Dishonorable Mentions: > She fumbled for her laser gun, knowing that the alien was eager to ravage > her, unlike Captain Johnson, who wanted to take things slow since he was > coming off the heels of a very painful divorce. > Wendy Burt > Colorado Springs, CO > > > Brock de-holstered his Maxi-Hurt 3000 phaser and blasted off the > Narguwullian trooper's head, the way a teenager pops the head off a zit, > except of course on a much larger scale because those Narguwullians are big > suckers, and although Brock had personally had some door stoppers in his > teenage years, most zits aren't twelve feet high, blue, and liable to rip > your arms off if you look at them the wrong way, and are also much less > inclined to leave a mess on the flight deck. > Geoff Blackwell > Bundaberg QLD Australia > > xponent > Paperback Writer Maru > rob > > > _______________________________________________ > http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l > > _______________________________________________ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
