----- Original Message ----- From: "Doug Pensinger" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: "Killer Bs Discussion" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Saturday, November 15, 2003 10:52 PM Subject: Re: christian dreams of murder...
> Many of us that have > raised children or trained animals have come to the realization that > negative reinforcement doesn't work very well and in some cases it works > very poorly indeed. Many folks probably do have that understanding, but a more common one that I've seen is that enforcing boundaries is an absolute requirement in raising kids. In fact, its a common understanding in the mental health profession that good boundaries are absolutely essential in developing relationships with other peopple. We've set very firm but broad boundaries for our kids. When they stepped out of line, logical consequeces followed. This seemed to have worked very well. Chores could slip, rooms could be messy. They could convince us to change our minds. But, some things were just done. An example of this was the fact that we had no rules for our eldest concerning study habits. When she procrastinated and still wrote A papers in two hours, then we figured she earned the right to have her own style. But, when our youngest underperformed, he lost his TV, computer recreation, and game privleges from Sunday night until after school on Friday. As a high school Jr., he still needs to be nudged now and then, but pulling a B intead of an A in an Advanced Placement Course due to lack of full focus rates a discussion of how this fits in his goals; not a withdrawl of privledges. I don't understand how parents who without boundaries suceed. I've seen plenty fail. I've also seen parents fail who are very strict and controlling. Finding the balance looks to be essential to me. Dan M. _______________________________________________ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
