>From TopFive.com:
The Top 15 Holiday Alertness Tips
o.. Beware of bearded religious fanatics penetrating the air space
above your house or chimney.
n.. Anthrax spores may arrive in the guise of small white flakes
descending from the sky. Run for cover!
m.. This year, avoid the New Year's Eve fireworks display in
Kandahar.
l.. Beware of people sucking candy canes in a way that makes them
very very pointy.
k.. Carefully sorted mail with rubber gloves and a gas mask?
Check.
Incinerated suspicious looking mail? Check.
Accidentally reduced holiday bonus check to carbon? D'OH!
j.. Why fly when you can argue with relatives via instant
messaging?
i.. Keep in mind that airport security personnel spend 75% less
time processing naked people through checkpoints.
h.. Fruit cakes, if stacked properly, can make an effective and
tasty bomb shelter.
g.. Visions of sugarplums may indicate exposure to nerve gas.
f.. Pointy, dangerous metal Menorahs should be replaced with the
Nerf(tm) Menorah.
e.. If you encounter a Santa's helper in the mall who says, "Dude,
you're gettin' a Dell," do the world a favor and pummel him senseless.
d.. Leave the tinsel strand hanging out of the cat's ass. It'll
make Fluffy easier to find in a blackout.
c.. Do random strip searches of secretaries at the company holiday
party. THIS year, the Attorney General's got your back!
b.. Guys: While carving the Christmas turkey with the electric
knife, make sure you've finished having sex with the turkey first.
and the Number 1 Holiday Alertness Tip...
a.. Going to the Rose Parade? Keep your distance from that "Jihad
Wonderland" float.
xponent
Danger Kris Kringle Danger Maru
rob
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