One of the regular features of a late-night program (MadTV?) was commercials for the dating service "Lowered Expectations." <hums along with the ditty> Lo and behold:
http://my.webmd.com/content/Article/87/99315.htm?printing=true ...According to a new study in this month's Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the key is that your expectations of "ever after" must accurately reflect the abilities -- or lack thereof -- that you and your mate have in handling the relationship curveballs you'll face. "For some couples, that means lowering expectations, and for others, raising them," researcher and psychologist James McNulty, PhD, of Ohio State University, tells WebMD. "It depends on the skills you have, or don't have, at handling conflict. Marriage satisfaction goes down when a spouse's expectations don't fit with reality... ...The bottom line: Spouses who had higher expectations at the beginning of their marriage -- but poor skills to achieve those expectations -- showed steep declines in marital satisfaction over time. Less positive expectations however -- despite poor skills -- predicted a more stable satisfaction with the marriage over time. But that's not to say that all couples need to lower their expectations in order to reach the heights of marital satisfaction. "It's not about settling for less; it's realizing that sometimes, 'less' occurs and your expectations should reflect how to deal with it accordingly," McNulty tells WebMD. "But unrealistic expectations can go both ways. People can be unrealistically negative, as well. If they expect things to be bad, when they are actually good, they don't take advantage of that. So lowering expectations is not good for everyone..." Debbi who subscribes to the 'gourami fish theory' of mating __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? SBC Yahoo! - Internet access at a great low price. http://promo.yahoo.com/sbc/
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