On Feb 9, 2005, at 1:18 PM, [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
A. Six Democrats stand up and denounce it.
B. Someone notices it's Ron Gulart playing Capt. Kirk.
C. Freedom of Information documents reveal, the Dept. of Education
mistakenly paid for the movie, thinking it was an educational film. Later, the head
of DoE becomes a successful Hollywood producer, from his cabana in the south of
Spain.
D. Activists begin picketing outside the white house with placards bearing the message, "Free Enterprise NOW!"
E. SPAM bogus charity emails written in very poor English begin surfacing, all beginning something like:
My dear,
Please do not feel sad for me because I believe
every show has to be cancelled someday...F. The French government issues a statement denouncing the loss of Free Enterprise just when sanctions were really beginning to work.
G. In San Francisco, thousands of people gather for a three-day rock fest called "Artists for Showbiz Security". Mistaking the initials for something else, Rick Santorum publicly denounces the "ASSfest" as a further example of perversity and debauchery.
H. At ASSfest, Jolene Blalock has a Wardrobe Malfunction. The internet is shut down by the flood of searches for "Jolene Blalock ASS" and, over the next several days, no digital commerce can proceed.
I. The United States economy, already on shaky ground, collapses.
J. Bush II blames the failure of the US economy on Clinton and slashes taxes to the wealthy while cutting finances to programs that are mandated but underfunded.
K. Everyone packs up and leaves for Canada except die-hard residents in the South.
L. The Vulcans, who have been monitoring the events from Saturn's orbit, send an envoy to offer emergency relief. The envoy is met by a crowd of hangers-on in what's left of the US, and are immediately shot on the grounds their presence might compromise White Racial Purity.
M. The Vulcans respond by razing half of North America with a particle weapon, leaving much of what was once swampland as a charred and cindered plain. The American Southwest becomes a vast expanse of glass.
N. Pat Robertson claims that the only reason the Vulcans were able to do anything at all was because of the prevalence of homosexuality in US society.
O. The Defense of Marriage Amendment is passed by what's left of Congress.
P. Britney Spears tries to get married, then divorced, in Vegas to an old school chum. Unfortunately the Constitutional amendment had a rider defending marriage, not just from gays and polygamists, but also from *divorce*. In a media circus she surrenders her virginity for the first time ever, really, no kidding.
Q. Madonna wants in on the action too, but the Vulcans claim she is illogical and beam her into the sun's core.
R. France surrenders.
S. Bush II mobilizes what's left of the US population in an attempt to track down the Vulcans, but becomes distracted in a search for Denobulan weapons of mass destruction. The Vulcans are untouched but a cache of more than 50,000 tribbles is found on the far side of the moon. France surrenders again.
T. Rick Santorum is caught sodomizing a puppy and, in a fit of shame -- an emotion he has never felt before -- eats his own head.
U. The Vulcans vaporize Pat Robertson.
V. A tribble is used to prove that Dick Cheney is actually a Klingon, and Bush II is ousted from Washington.
W. John McCain is universally hailed as the next President of the Remaining United States.
X. Peace descends.
Y. William Shatner memorializes everything by doing a VERY bad cover of "By-Bye, Miss American Pie". He is promptly vaporized by the Vulcans.
Z. France surrenders.
-- Warren Ockrassa, Publisher/Editor, nightwares Books http://books.nightwares.com/ Current work in progress "The Seven-Year Mirror" http://www.nightwares.com/books/ockrassa/Flat_Out.pdf
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