On Aug 19, 2005, at 12:28 PM, Julia Thompson wrote:
Whatever happened to shame? It was a big thing when I was a kid,
at least among us kids. There seems to be a lot less of it.
There are things considered shameful that I don't think are, and
things that I think are dreadfully shameful that the same sort of
people that would deny you parenthood don't bat an eyelash at.
This thoroughly sucks.
And I think I need to eat some lunch before I go completely to
where it's impossible to put thoughts or feelings into words. I
may make another attempt at this later, if I can make myself some
time for it.
Shame is a razor-sharp tool. Like many sharp tools, it can be used to
do some good. Like all sharp tools, it can lead to serious injury.
Loads of people who hate themselves do so because they were raised in
an atmosphere of shame.
I'm not saying that there aren't times when only a scalpel will do
the job, but I don't think it's a good idea to start waving one
around when all we want is for an 8-year-old to pick up his socks.
It's one thing to say "I see some clothes on the floor that aren't
going to get washed if they're not in the hamper," and quite another
to say "What a pig-sty: look at those clothes all over the floor ...
you should be ashamed of yourself, living like this," which is how
the message gets delivered in a shaming family. The former sends a
message about how clothes-washing happens in this family. The latter
sends a message that the kid is a pig.
Dave
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