On 2/14/06, Nick Arnett <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and > thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of > your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen > Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, > commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not > fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor > for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the > Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year > to determine whether any of you noticed. > > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following > rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up > "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium, > and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how > wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be > reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you > will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and > the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you > will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look > up vocabulary). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with > filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and > inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US > English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft > spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated > letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. > > > You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen". > July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. > > > You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, > or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists > shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only > be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out > without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown > up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to > own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit > will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. > > > All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for > your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what > we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you > will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same > time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit > of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you > understand the British sense of humour. The Former USA will adopt UK > prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) -roughly $6/US > gallon. Get used to it. > > > You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries > are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato > chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in > animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. The cold > tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at > all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as > beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be > referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as > Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of > further confusion. > > > Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good > guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play > English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue > in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's > ears removed with a cheese grater. > > > You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of > proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, > in time, be allowed to play rugby which has some similarities to > American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every > twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of > nancies. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not > reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which > is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware > that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is > understandable. > > > You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. > > > An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's > Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all > monies due (backdated to 1776). > > > Thank you for your cooperation. > > > > > > -- > Nick Arnett
http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp ~Maru _______________________________________________ http://www.mccmedia.com/mailman/listinfo/brin-l
