Hi Nick - thanks for the reply on this. It all sounds sensible. Finally this issue could also probably be solved by changing GNU make itself: providing another mechanism to keep jobserver fds open in rules.
Clearly that would be great. On the Automake side, I just don't have the desire to work on this issue. I'm happy to apply a patch if you or anyone has a reasonable improvement, but I'm not going to come up with it on my own, unfortunately. --thanks, karl.