So true that the person has to change the behavior! I just don't make the person admit to the behavior - but I do suggest that they must be doing SOMETHING that makes people uncomfortable. And I also say "As long as I don't get any more complaints, we'll consider this over!" Since they don't know who complained, it means that I don't have to be there to make them behave better.
Sometimes I say "Look, don't tell me, but if in your heart of hearts you actually are trying to get away with inappropriate behavior, please stop. If you really really aren't, and this is all a big misunderstanding, please figure out what you are doing that people find offensive, and do something different." If the complaint was specific "He touched my breasts." "He/she grabbed my ass." "He held me way too close." "He flashed his thong." (No kidding. This happened.) I will do the person the favor of telling them exactly what it was they are said to have done that was offensive - again, still giving them the right to save face. But I make it clear I don't want to hear about it again. What would I do if I heard about it again? I wouldn't be quite so nice. But I do want to 1) let people change and 2) avoid accusing an innocent but awkward person. Also: I'm doing this as a member of the board, not as a caller. Frankly, I want the dance to be a safe place. A safe place to flirt, for example. So no actual extra-marital affairs at the dance. No pursuing people who haven't explicitly said the feeling is mutual. Friendly. Affectionate. Caring. Loving even. But no unwanted intimacy, ever. M E On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 9:04 PM, Greg McKenzie <[email protected]> wrote: > Martha Wrote: > " In all cases, the person continued to try to convince me > no harm was meant (while I'm thinking 'milord doth protest too much...')," > > I had a similar experience with a guy who a number of women complained > about > his creepy violations of personal space. I spoke with him and he assured > me > that he had no such intentions. I let it drop and wished later that I had > been more firm. I think it is important to clarify that, "I'm not talking > about your intentions or what you *meant*. I'm talking about your > behavior. It is your behavior that is offending people, not your > intentions. You need to change your *behavior*." > > This individual has mitigated his behavior only to the extent that he > avoids > creepy behavior when I am in the vicinity. > > - Greg > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers >
