I've taught many beginning ladies how to keep a strong dance frame, how to use it to regulate the degree of closeness with whoever is swinging them. It seemed to me simple for women to learn how to deal with men that try to hold them too close.
And then I started dancing the woman's role from time to time, and in one dance in particular, there was a shadow swing, and my shadow was a larger man, probably with issues, uncomfortable with a man dancing the woman's role, and he grabbed me tight and got all romantic, as a joke?, but it was very uncomfortable to me, and he was larger than me, and I couldn't get extracted, and didn't say anything, and felt I understood... Dennis On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 6:47 PM, <[email protected]> wrote: > Send Callers mailing list submissions to > [email protected] > > To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to > [email protected] > > You can reach the person managing the list at > [email protected] > > When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific > than "Re: Contents of Callers digest..." > > > Today's Topics: > > 1. Re: mental health and dance calling (Amy Cann) > 2. Re: mental health and dance calling (Bree Kalb) > 3. Re: mental health and dance calling (Amy Cann) > 4. Re: mental health and dance calling (Martha Edwards) > 5. Re: unwelcome behavior (Martha Edwards) > 6. alternate formations (Richard Mckeever) > 7. Re: alternate formations (Alan Winston - SSRL Central Computing) > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Message: 1 > Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2011 12:03:17 -0400 > From: Amy Cann <[email protected]> > To: "Caller's discussion list" <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling > Message-ID: > <CALZWU+t7PGH_zRxzfR+tUy2=DJHrFtrpxkm=w4cc9hvk0fo...@mail.gmail.com > > > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 > > It's funny, I'm listening to all of these stories and thinking about the > creepers I've run into over the years, and I'm thinking to myself: > > "Well, it's really quite simple, isn't it? Ladies, if a gent is being > inappropriate, walk away! > > Just wait until you're out at the top or bottom, turn to him and say 'I am > uncomfortable with what you are doing and am not going to finish this dance > with you' -- and then do it. Walk off. And if he's really offensive, don't > wait until the end, bail out right then and there. The world won't end if a > line of dancers has to cope with a hole. What's more important, ten more > minutes of perfect dancing for that line, at that dance, or a really good > behavior-modification moment that will actually improve the dance community > more in the long run?" > > And yet it isn't that simple, is it? We don't do it. We have these halls > just filled with women who are about as uniformly > modern/educated/self-actuated/socially conscious/feminist as it gets, who > spend our days running businesses or doing high end IT/research -- or > teaching children or counseling teens or lobbying to pass laws on issues > just like this -- and not once in my experience have I ever known a woman > to > say "Nope, enough, not going to let you do this." > > Heck, I've marched eighth grade boys (and girls) off the playground for > inappropriate behavior without a flinch, but at a dance, when it's *me? > *I've > been groped and dipped and clenched a few times over the years and the most > overt thing I've ever done is reached back, grabbed his hand, moved it up > about six inches to the small of my back, and said "works much better for > me > if you keep your hand *there". *The other times, I've simply become ice > cold/distant and stopped making eye contact - which can be quite the > putdown > if you really work it, smile and nod at all of your neighbors but shut down > completely every time you return to your partner. But have I truly called > them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers. > > Food for thought. > > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 2 > Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2011 13:15:09 -0400 > From: "Bree Kalb" <[email protected]> > To: "Caller's discussion list" <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling > Message-ID: <36DF3156E5FA448B88FBF5C1106D581C@BreeHomeLaptop> > Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1"; > reply-type=original > > Amy wrote: But have I truly called > them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers. > > I have. > Now that I'm older, it doesn't happen as often, but still does > occasionally. > I've put my left palm against a man's shoulder and pushed him back, saying: > "I don't want to dance that close.' Or: "I don't sleaze dance." The next > time they've asked me to dance, I've said "I'll only dance with you again > if you don't (do that particular thing again.)" They've always agreed and > behaved themselves, for that dance. When I come to them in the line, I > automatically push them back a little. But I know I'm an exception; the > younger, shyer women don't feel comfortable setting limits. Even someone > like Amy (who I surmise is not particularly shy) is uneasy being so bold. > So it's important that the organizers pay attention and act. Our board > actually banned a guy from dancing because he was preying on teenage girls; > other dance organizers in the area followed suit. > > Bree Kalb > Carrboro > > > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 3 > Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2011 13:27:09 -0400 > From: Amy Cann <[email protected]> > To: "Caller's discussion list" <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling > Message-ID: > <CALZWU+s=jbrxuf8zvn6_vwbde+iq6d6q_8727trisez8cvn...@mail.gmail.com > > > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 > > I'll bet this discussion is going to continue for a bit, so let's clarify: > > I've ALWAYS made people stop what they are doing -- made them leave more > room, move a hand -- I've just always done it non-verbally. If I don't want > to be dipped, I don't get dipped -- I can shift my weight or go inert in > ways that make it impossible. I'm not shy about taking care of myself, and > that cold/silent treatment is pretty darn harsh/unmistakable (just ask my > husband :) > > But on reflection, it's always been a private interchange. By "calling > out", > I mean it in the most specific way: calling them out from the crowd, into > the spotlight, to be addressed in front of an audience. I've very rarely > seen this happen, and have never heard of a woman walking off the floor > mid-dance. > > > > > > On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 1:15 PM, Bree Kalb <[email protected]> wrote: > > > Amy wrote: But have I truly called > > > > them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers. > > > > I have. > > Now that I'm older, it doesn't happen as often, but still does > > occasionally. > > I've put my left palm against a man's shoulder and pushed him back, > saying: > > "I don't want to dance that close.' Or: "I don't sleaze dance." The next > > time they've asked me to dance, I've said "I'll only dance with you > again > > if you don't (do that particular thing again.)" They've always agreed and > > behaved themselves, for that dance. When I come to them in the line, I > > automatically push them back a little. But I know I'm an exception; the > > younger, shyer women don't feel comfortable setting limits. Even someone > > like Amy (who I surmise is not particularly shy) is uneasy being so bold. > So > > it's important that the organizers pay attention and act. Our board > actually > > banned a guy from dancing because he was preying on teenage girls; other > > dance organizers in the area followed suit. > > > > Bree Kalb > > Carrboro > > ______________________________**_________________ > > Callers mailing list > > [email protected] > > http://www.sharedweight.net/**mailman/listinfo/callers< > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers> > > > > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 4 > Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2011 14:32:07 -0500 > From: Martha Edwards <[email protected]> > To: "Caller's discussion list" <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [Callers] mental health and dance calling > Message-ID: > <CAJjmMcPtmmmmaO5KSLND-SEw3Bop2YQADhO2w7xSqtCsQNG=y...@mail.gmail.com > > > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 > > Good points, all, as usual. > > The more difficult problem is how to keep the creeps from behaving that way > with younger, or newer, dancers, who don't know yet what sort of atmosphere > we generally maintain, and are reluctant to "cause a scene". Mostly, I > think, if it's too bad, they just go away, never to return and find out > that > 99% of dancers would never think of acting that way. > > So, when we tell these folks a direct "NO" (and we should, oh yes, we > should!) we can do those dancers a favor and tell the creeps exactly what > they did that was offensive. Tell them what they did and how you feel about > it. And tell a trustworthy board member. > > I admit I haven't always been direct with people on my own behalf - I just > get away and move on. Oddly, I'm much more comfortable speaking to these > folks on behalf of others. No fear. Wonder what that's about. > > M > E > > On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 12:27 PM, Amy Cann <[email protected]> wrote: > > > I'll bet this discussion is going to continue for a bit, so let's > clarify: > > > > I've ALWAYS made people stop what they are doing -- made them leave more > > room, move a hand -- I've just always done it non-verbally. If I don't > want > > to be dipped, I don't get dipped -- I can shift my weight or go inert in > > ways that make it impossible. I'm not shy about taking care of myself, > and > > that cold/silent treatment is pretty darn harsh/unmistakable (just ask my > > husband :) > > > > But on reflection, it's always been a private interchange. By "calling > > out", > > I mean it in the most specific way: calling them out from the crowd, into > > the spotlight, to be addressed in front of an audience. I've very rarely > > seen this happen, and have never heard of a woman walking off the floor > > mid-dance. > > > > > > > > > > > > On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 1:15 PM, Bree Kalb <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > Amy wrote: But have I truly called > > > > > > them out on it? No. And neither have any of my peers. > > > > > > I have. > > > Now that I'm older, it doesn't happen as often, but still does > > > occasionally. > > > I've put my left palm against a man's shoulder and pushed him back, > > saying: > > > "I don't want to dance that close.' Or: "I don't sleaze dance." The > next > > > time they've asked me to dance, I've said "I'll only dance with you > > again > > > if you don't (do that particular thing again.)" They've always agreed > and > > > behaved themselves, for that dance. When I come to them in the line, I > > > automatically push them back a little. But I know I'm an exception; the > > > younger, shyer women don't feel comfortable setting limits. Even > someone > > > like Amy (who I surmise is not particularly shy) is uneasy being so > bold. > > So > > > it's important that the organizers pay attention and act. Our board > > actually > > > banned a guy from dancing because he was preying on teenage girls; > other > > > dance organizers in the area followed suit. > > > > > > Bree Kalb > > > Carrboro > > > ______________________________**_________________ > > > Callers mailing list > > > [email protected] > > > http://www.sharedweight.net/**mailman/listinfo/callers< > > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers> > > > > > _______________________________________________ > > Callers mailing list > > [email protected] > > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > > > > > > -- > As you set out for Ithaka, pray that your journey be long, full of > adventure, full of discovery... > May there be many summer mornings when, with what pleasure, with what joy, > you enter harbors you're seeing for the first time. > ~Constantine Cavafy, "Ithaka" 1911 > > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 5 > Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2011 15:09:25 -0500 > From: Martha Edwards <[email protected]> > To: "Caller's discussion list" <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [Callers] unwelcome behavior > Message-ID: > <CAJjmMcPMteUijM5uawWOCauvUZvwJGJVL05Dkkca=bb6j9p...@mail.gmail.com > > > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 > > Here, it's easy. We don't allow lifting people off the floor. > > We have one person with a very mild mental illness who wasn't judging very > well when to do it and when not, and wasn't always doing it safely, so we > just made it a rule, not to be broken, that no one does it, to make it > easier for him to remember. > > We also have a board member who loves doing aerials, does them with safety > and with permission and all other good stuff, but he can't do it at our > dances either, just because the hard-and-fast rule is the only way we can > keep the rest of us from being cut off at the knees when the other guy was > swinging new dancers off their feet and their legs cut a six-foot circle > sweep. > > I also saw a caller in Kansas City stop a dance once and tell a > particularly > aggressive dancer to stop lifting people off the ground. "I have liability > here, and I'm not going to continue calling if you keep doing that." I > think the dancers applauded. > > I had the pleasure of meeting Frankie Manning, who invented the aerial in > swing dancing in 1935, and was particularly impressed with the amount of > practice he and his partner did before they ever tried it on a dance floor > - > with mattresses covering the floor of his living room while they learned > how. > > M > E > > On Sat, Jul 9, 2011 at 10:22 AM, Greg McKenzie <[email protected]> > wrote: > > > > > > > I would love to hear how other dance communities have dealt with this > > issue. > > > > - Greg McKenzie > > _______________________________________________ > > Callers mailing list > > [email protected] > > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > > > > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 6 > Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2011 14:12:41 -0700 (PDT) > From: Richard Mckeever <[email protected]> > To: Caller's discussion list <[email protected]> > Subject: [Callers] alternate formations > Message-ID: > <[email protected]> > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii > > Here is a new topic... > > Recently I have noticed that many of the programs presented have consisted > solely of duple improper contras with a couple Becket dances thrown in for > variety. > > I would be interesting to hear how other callers incorporate other > formations in their programs and how they and the dancer feel about it > > This would include - but not be limited to: > > circles dances > Sicilian circles > Squares > 4 facing 4 > triple minors > scatter mixers > other?? > > Comments by formation would be interesting as would regional variations in > programming > > Mac McKeever > St Louis > > ------------------------------ > > Message: 7 > Date: Sat, 09 Jul 2011 15:22:23 -0700 (PDT) > From: Alan Winston - SSRL Central Computing > <[email protected]> > To: Richard Mckeever <[email protected]> > Cc: Caller's discussion list <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [Callers] alternate formations > Message-ID: <[email protected]> > Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=us-ascii > > Mac asked about how other callerrs incorporate other formations into their > programs. > > > I call English (for 25+ years), barn dances, historical-themed > (Regency/Early > American, Civil War, Dickens) and contra (for the last five or so years, > but > only a few times a year). > > My answers are different for each kind of thing. > > For English, I typically call more duple minor (usually proper) than > anything > else, but try to mix it up with small-set dances (two-couple set, > three-couple > set, squares) and a triple minor or two in an evening. Since tunes go with > particular dances, I also consider variety in mood, key, meter, and tempo > when > I'm making up the program. (I'll also use what I know about the musicians > I > have that night and try to keep away from notey reels for a fiddler with > tendinitis, bias toward Bb tunes if I have a cello player, etc.) > > For barn dances, anything goes. Sicilians, threesome Sicilians, big > circles, > grand march, circle mixer, whatever. > > For historically-themed, it depends somewhat on what I can justify > historically, so Regency has lots of longways duples and some triples, > mixed > with an occasional three-couple set (adapted from a triple minor, like > Fandango, Prince William, etc), interspersed with waltzes. > > For Civil War / Victorian, Sicilians, threesome Sicilians, whole sets in > longways formation (Gothic Dance, Virginia Reel/Roger de Coverley), mixed > up > with waltzes, polkas, schottisches and galops. > > Around here (SF Bay Area) if you do a whole evening of duple-minor improper > contras at a contra dance, nobody complains about it. Some callers like to > include a square or two in an evening. A noticeable number of people will > sit > down if they realize it's a square. (As a dancer, I've had a partner bail > on > me when she realized it was a square.) That doesn't happen as much at > local > weekend or week-long camps, but at regular dances with local callers, 10% > or > more of the people who'd be up for a contra sit down for a square. I'm not > the > miracle square dance caller who's going to change their minds about it, > either, > so I don't program squares. > > When I first started calling contras here, my ten-dance program might have > a > circle mixer in slot three and a triplet sometime after the break. I've > had > complaints relayed to me about calling 'gimmicky' dances, and I wasn't > getting > great response from the triplets, so I've dropped those. I want to get > invited > back to call again, and I don't need to change everybody's mind about what > a > good time is. > > My most recent program (a very successful outing in Monterey last month) > had a > circle mixer in slot three (setting the ground for the poussette figure I > used > in "Joyride" later) and a four-face-four right after the break, and I got > positive response to both of those. (The music was great; if it weren't I > could have had the best program in the world and it wouldn't have been a > wonderful evening.) > > -- Alan > > -- > > =============================================================================== > Alan Winston --- [email protected] > Disclaimer: I speak only for myself, not SLAC or SSRL Phone: > 650/926-3056 > Paper mail to: SSRL -- SLAC BIN 99, 2575 Sand Hill Rd, Menlo Park CA > 94025 > > =============================================================================== > > > > ------------------------------ > > _______________________________________________ > Callers mailing list > [email protected] > http://www.sharedweight.net/mailman/listinfo/callers > > > End of Callers Digest, Vol 83, Issue 7 > ************************************** >
