Ludo,
Where's the full press release? I can't find a press release on the
page you linked to, just a one-paragraph announcement. If you can
send me a press release or post it, I would like to review it. I've
written press releases a number of times.
For the paragraph that you have.. why did you remove the reference to
the Mozilla Foundation? The "Mozilla" name is very broadly known and
commands considerable respect. Camino is well known in the Mac
community, but Mozilla is known in the whole PC industry, even by
normal users. I think it would be good to put it back in.
As for the content, I think it's pretty good but could always use
improvement :-) For the below, keep in mind that I've edited a lot of
these so if I seem very nit-picky, well I am :-)
The Camino Project is proud to announce Camino 1.0.
nice
The culmination of over three years of work by devoted volunteers,
- change "devoted" to "dedicated"
- has it only been three years? I guess that it's been three years
since it was made open source. But according to wikipedia the project
started in 2001. Why not say the culmination of five years of work?
- also this sentence is in the passive voice. better to use the
direct voice.
I suggest:
"Built by volunteers over the course of five years,"
Camino 1.0 is a full-featured web browser for Mac OS X,
- is "full-featured" the first thing we want to say? How about sleek,
lightweight, "functional and elegant", "simple and elegant"?
- I think that the message that "camino is fully featured now" will
be conveyed to people who already know about the browser by the 1.0
badge.
- for people who haven't heard of it, "fully-featured" might not be
that interesting, since all the popular browsers have that. anyway, I
don't use camino because it's fully featured (although that's
good) ... I use it because it's got a great UX.
How about:
"Camino 1.0 is a simple and elegant web browser for Mac OS X."
(end the sentence there.. long sentences suck...)
complete with improved tabbed browsing, an enhanced bookmarks
manager, and built-in ad-blocking, among other features.
- what is "improved" about the tabbed browsing?
- I think that it's more important to say that Camino combines the
power of the Gecko rendering engine with the tight OS X integration
and straightforward design. Or something like that.
- let's think sports car announcement here.... or like OS X marketing
lingo
Suggestion:
"The browser combines a smooth Aqua interface with the power of the
Mozilla Gecko rendering engine for maximum ease of use and performance."
Designed exclusively for Mac OS X,
This is good.. let's say instead
"Available exclusively for Mac OS X"
Please love exclusives
Camino 1.0 is built on Mozilla's Gecko rendering engine
got it
and offers one of the fastest browsing experiences available,
- Says who? This needs to be substantiated to be included... I think.
- also "one of" sounds a bit wishy-washy.... people might notice that.
- although I agree that it's fast... I can't find any recent reports
that it's fastest. Maybe I'm not looking in the right place.
- I'm thinking that throwing the word "snappy" maybe, "snappy
graphics" or something like that, would do for this.
as well as superior integration with the Mac platform.
got it
Download Camino 1.0 (Universal) now.
yup.
OK, I have to go now, but if you put all my suggestions together,
here is what you would get. Hmm... OK, I'm going to edit it a bit
more, OK, here it is:
***
The Camino Project is proud to announce Camino 1.0.
Built by volunteers over the course of five years,
Camino 1.0 is a simple and elegant web browser for Mac OS X.
Camino, available exclusively for Mac OS X,
combines a snappy interface
with the power of the Mozilla Gecko rendering engine
for maximum ease of use and performance.
Download Camino 1.0 (Universal) now.
***
--simon
On Feb 7, 2006, at 2:49 AM, Ludovic Hirlimann wrote:
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA1
Hello,
1.0 is going to be released next week. In order to tell the world
there
is a small marketing effort going on. We have a press release being
worked on. What we need now is you to check it out and do two things :
1) If you can translate that PR in something other than english
please
do - and send me the translation.
2) If you know additional, contact that the team should mail when the
release is done, please give us those contact so we can mail them when
we're ready.
Our effort is located at
<http://docs.caminobrowser.org/wiki/index.php/
Camino10ReleasePromotion>
Ludo
- --
Ludovic Hirlimann http://perso.hirlimann.net/~ludo/blog/
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