\|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ MyFree.Com's Jokes, Jokes, Jokes Daily - September 7, 2004 Life's Short...Laugh Now! /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\ /|\
----------------------------SPONSOR----------------------------- Nesquik Free Sample of Very Vanilla To celebrate this irresistibly delicious new flavor, they're offering you your very own trial sample of Nesquik Very Vanilla to enjoy. It's Kid Delicious. Mom Nutritious! <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=npc544 ">Click Here</a> ---------------------------------------------------------------- 1. SLOGAN OF THE DAY Mother always said, "When you sling mud it means you're losing ground." Visit our website to see if your slogan has been posted and while you're there check out our growing list of clever slogans and bumper stickers. Enjoy! <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=myf392 ">Click Here</a> Do you have a favorite sticker or slogan you'd like to share? If so, please submit it to: <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=myf469 ">Click Here</a>. Maybe you'll see YOUR favorite slogan or sticker on our website. Be sure to include your name, city, and state! 2. Week at the Gym: A Diary, submitted by George Petricko, Toronto, Ontaio CANADA Dear Diary, For my 50th birthday this year, Kathy (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me. WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth. THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine - which I sank. FRIDAY: I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&[EMAIL PROTECTED]@ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a vasectomy. ----------------------------SPONSOR----------------------------- Official Telegram Notification From: 81F6HN675 Important: This is to notify you that you have an unclaimed $125 shopping spree offer for you in your name. <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=myf637 ">Click Here</a> ---------------------------------------------------------------- SUBMIT A JOKE! The great MyFree.com joke hunt is going on right now! If you'd like to see YOUR favorite joke in print, click the link below: <A href=" http://ed.myfree.com/r/r.php?src=myf462 ">Click Here</a> Be sure to include your name, city, and state! 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