<~*~><~*~>< Humor-Exprezz
<~*~><~*~>< You are subscribed to Humor-Exprezz because of a request from you or someone impersonating your email address. If you would rather NOT be subscribed, you can send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the email address you subscribed with. Get $100 worth of free gasoline when you order Direct TV now DIRECTV SATELLITE TV SYSTEM FREE PROFESSIONAL INSTALLATION Up to 5 FREE Satellite Receivers See all the NFL games and access the YES Network. Click Below to see if you qualify. Click Here http://mocda.com/1/c/61479/210917/364292/364292 <a href="http://mocda.com/1/c/61479/210917/364292/364292";> AOL users go here </a> <~*~><~*~> In The News <~*~><~*~> A passenger plane was delayed from taking off from a Swedish airport because all the air traffic controllers were at home. The passengers were on board and the engines were revving up when the captain asked the tower at Karlstad Airport for permission to take off. But all he got was silence because the controller who should have been there hadn't turned up for work. "The controller who was supposed to be in the tower failed to show up because of a schedule glitch," air traffic control spokesman Ulf Uxalsson said. The plane bound for Copenhagen, Denmark, sat on the tarmac for nearly 30 minutes at the airport. It took officials that long to find another controller to come in. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Foreclosed Homes: Free Listings! Make the American dream actually happen for you and your family. Imagine owning a beautiful 3,4,5 bedroom home in your area, starting from $10,000 and with nothing down! We invite you to search these listings right now and for FREE! Free Listings Here! http://mocda1.com/1/c/61479/202445/364292/364292 <a href="http://mocda1.com/1/c/61479/202445/364292/364292";> AOL users go here </a> *�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*� Fogie's Follies, Frolics & Funnies It ain't your grandma's web site! The FREE humor e-zine with jokes, lists, news, pictures, quotes, videos, links, reader mail, BUCK-NEKKID READER PICTORIALS and, of course, Fogie's Folly!!! http://fogiesfollies.com/17/ *�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*�*� GoooGooos_Adult_Cartoons for those who enjoy adult humorous cartoons/pictures. GoooGooos_Adult_Daily_Cartoon is M-F one cartoon/picture in the format of a JPG attachment. To subscribe send a blank email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Toons: AOL Help Desk http://www.squirtsplace.com/funnypics/helpdesk.jpg Huh? http://www.nutgal.100megsdns.com/cartoon/090700peep.jpg Jokeworm Pics <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/newcleanpics/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> http://www.humor-exprezz.com <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Did Ya Know Or Do Ya Care? North Dakota grows more sunflowers than any other state. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Links: Fox Sports <a href=" http://espn.go.com/dist/m/index.html " >sports </a> Moist Towelette Collecting <a href=" http://members.aol.com/MoistTwl/index.htm " >moist </a> Jewish humor <a href=" http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jokes/joke75g.html ">aol link</a> The nun http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jokes/joke76g.html <a href=" http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/jokes/joke76g.html ">aol link</a> Jokeworm Jokes <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/cleanjokes/ "> click</a> Jokeworm Trivia <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/trivia/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Stumpy was fed up with his wife, so he packed up his stuff and moved into the garage. Although the couple seldom spoke, he continued to mow the lawn, take out the garbage and fix the car, while she cooked the meals, vacuumed and did the laundry. Months later, Stumpy met his friend Lou for drinks. "Things don't seem to be working out any better," Lou remarked. "Why don't you just move out?" "Well, if you really want to know the truth," Stumpy explained, "she makes such a good neighbor." <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> How can you tell a woman is really ugly? A cannibal takes one look at her and orders a salad. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> http://www.humor-exprezz.com <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> How To Have Fun With Telemarketers 1. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke."Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" 2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . " 3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?" 5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from. 6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up. 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?" 8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?" 9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. 10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees. 11. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up. 12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. 13. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. 14. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incar- ceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer. 15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number. 16. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 17. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . . 18. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Humor-Exprezz may contain links to sites on the Internet which are owned and operated by third parties. We are not responsible for the availability of, and/or the content located on or through, any such third-party sites. All Content � By their Creators. Subscribe address.. [EMAIL PROTECTED] Unsub address ... 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