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Looking into the room I see him sleeping. A gorgeous little thing
with a beautiful smile and big blue eyes. I watch him closely to see the
rise and fall of his chest under his yellow afghan and his little striped union
suit. He's mine. My little angel. I want to hold him close and
take it all in. The time will fly too quickly. He won't need me one
day. But for now I encourage him to learn and grow and change to move
without me even when I don't want him to. While inside my heart
breaks a little with each new thing, each step he takes to be his own person, it
also swells with pride at this delightful little man starting on the path to
self discovery. One day he'll run and jump and play with other kids and
I'll watch. I won't be mommy or mama but mom or mother. One day
he'll tell me he hates me and I'll send him to his room so I can cry. One
day he'll kiss me back. One day he'll be so bad I'll want to whip
him. But one day I'll look back on him and realize my boy is now a man and
be proud of what I made...of what he becomes. I am his mother and I will
always be proud even when I shouldn't. I'll always love him even when he's
mean and angry and refuses to bathe. I'll always love him because he's MY
son and he can only be what I make him or shape him into. Even though he
depends on me for everything he relies on me to teach him wrong from right, good
from bad. I make my child into an image of me by teaching him morals and
the right kind of person to be. He will use my values and morals to shape
himself. I must be a good person so he too will be. I will change
myself into the kind of person I want my child to be. Even though he can
not sit or stand or walk, he cannot roll or crawl or talk...I must be his voice
for now.
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