<~*~><~*~>< Humor-Exprezz
<~*~><~*~>< You are subscribed to Humor-Exprezz because of a request from you or someone impersonating your email address. If you would rather NOT be subscribed, you can send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the email address you subscribed with. The popular maze game from the 80's! PacMan on CD is free, just pay shipping. Check out all the free software here: http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=400&w=text <~*~><~*~> In The News <~*~><~*~> A man who died in 1997 has received a telephone bill at the cemetery where he is buried. The cemetery received the bill for Darrell Wheals Cemetery in Auburn, Massachusetts. Mr. Wheals was buried there in December 1997. He died aged 60. Cemetery Superintendent Wally Boles says he was surprised to see the bill from the telephone company Sprint for 12 cents, including 25 cents for a call on February 16, five years after Mr. Wheals died. When a local newspaper called the telephone company to inquire about the bill, they were toward, " If a customer refuses to pay, we will be forced to send it to a collection agency." <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> We are giving away Ipods for Free! The Ipod by Apple is the hottest gadget on the planet! Respond now and get a Apple Ipod through our incredible giveaway promotion! The Ipod generally sells for $250, but it can be yours FREE!! Click Here: http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=406&w=text This is a limited time offer. Don't let it pass you by! No shipping. No handling. No hidden charges. http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=166814&p=406&w=text <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Toons: Halloween http://www.offthemark.com/Images/halloween/halloween04.gif Jokeworm Pics <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/newcleanpics/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> http://www.humor-exprezz.com <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Did Ya Know Or Do Ya Care? Campbell Soup Company sells more than 100 million cans of pork and beans a year. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> I search the web so you don't have to. NobleEd News provides you weekly Website Recommendations,tons of Educational Freebies and a Feature Article. You can read the latest Edition at http://www.NobleEdNews.com/newsletter.htm To subscribe go to http://www.NobleEdNews.com and put your e-mail address in the subscribe box. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Today's Links: GrinningPlanet.com <a href=" http://www.grinningplanet.com/index.htm "> aol</a> Word Games <a href=" http://www.mirroreyes.com/wordsearch/ "> aol</a> Jokeworm Jokes <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/cleanjokes/ "> click</a> Jokeworm Trivia <a href=" http://www.jokeworm.com/trivia/ "> click</a> <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> If Airlines Sold Paint Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price? Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon. Customer: What's the difference in the paint? Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint. Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint. Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint? Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off. Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint. Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint? Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday. Customer: You've got to be kidding! Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available. Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it! Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 paint. Customer: The price went up as we were talking? Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want? Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have enough. Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have. Customer: WHAT? Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint. Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it! Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems. Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night! Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint. Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a gallon" signs? Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans. Customer: Forget this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else! Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon. Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200! Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different. Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint. Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir. Customer: You're insane! Clerk: Thanks for painting with United. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What are you complaining about? We are on our honeymoon!" <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Did Ya Know Or Do Ya Care? The potato is a relative of tobacco and the tomato. <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> A group of golfers were telling tall stories. At last came the veteran's turn. "Well," he said, "I once drove a ball, accidentally of course, through a cottage window. The ball knocked over an oil lamp and the place caught on fire!" "What did you do?" asked his friends. "Oh," said the veteran, "I immediately teed another ball, took careful aim, and hit the fire alarm on Main Street. That brought out the fire engines before any major damage was done." <~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~><~*~> Humor-Exprezz may contain links to sites on the Internet which are owned and operated by third parties. We are not responsible for the availability of, and/or the content located on or through, any such third-party sites. All Content � By their Creators. Subscribe address.. [EMAIL PROTECTED] Unsub address ... [EMAIL PROTECTED] (`'�.�(`'�.� �.�'�) �.�'�) ��Humor-Exprezz`� (�.�'�(�.�'� `'�.�)`' �.�) �.�� ( `�.� `�.� ) �.�)� (.�� `*. *. Humor-Exprezz , HumorExprezz, and Humor_Exprezz are owned by humor-exprezz.com 10537 E Washington St Indianapolis, In 46229 -- ___________________________________________________________ Sign-up for Ads Free at Mail.com http://promo.mail.com/adsfreejump.htm _______________________________________________ Humor-Exprezz mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://emissives.com/mailman/listinfo/humor-exprezz_emissives.com
