OLD MIKE'S ALMANACK FOR 2007
January
Winter weather brings canal traffic to a halt as most canals are frozen.
British Waterways complains of the wrong kind of snow. An iceberg bursts
the gates of Gauxholme Middle Lock on the Rochdale Canal. BW says the canal
is unlikely to re-open until March.
February
Floods on the Thames cut off the offices of Thames Water in Reading. People
still complaining about the hosepipe ban that has been in force since 2006
claim to be vindicated, as they always though TW was isolated from reality.
March
Gauxholme Middle Lock re-opens. On the same day there's a land-slip at
Sladen. BW complains of the wrong kind of hill and says the Rochdale Canal
is unlikely to re-open until June.
April
A lock gate fails at Stoke Bruerne Top Lock. BW says that in their present
financial situation it is uneconomical to repair it as only a few thousand
boaters want to use it. The IWA and NABO take them to Court for failing to
maintain a Cruiseway under the terms of the 1948 Transport Act.
May
The High Court rules in IWA/NABO's favour over Stoke Bruerne lock. BW
appeals. A water shortage on the London Canals means that all boats
attending Canalway Cavalcade are fitted with roller skates and the venue is
changed to Trafalgar Square as a protest rally.
June
BW says they can't afford to mend the landslip at Sladen and the Rochdale
Canal won't re-open until .. well, never, probably. The Court of Appeal
rules in BW's favour over Stoke Bruerne Lock. IWA & NABO appeal to the
House of Lords. Some boaters heading for the "National" at St Ives decide
to travel early in order to avoid the congestion getting through the Middle
Level.
July
Long queues are reported at Salter's Lode Lock. BW makes all employees on
the Rochdale Canal redundant.
August
There is a most unusual split-site National Festival, with the land site,
trade boats and workers' boats at St Ives and all the other boats on the
wrong side of Salter's Lode lock. The House of Lords rules in favour of
IWA/NABO over Stoke Bruerne Lock.
September
Prime Minister Gordon Brown introduces a Bill into Parliament for the formal
abandonment of the Rochdale and Grand Union Canals. Floods on the Nene trap
300 boaters heading home from the National on the Middle Level.
October
David Suchet leads the campaign for a petition against the Rochdale and
Grand Union Canals Bill. The petition is carried to Westminster from
Blisworth by coracle. BW announces a 50% increase in licence fees. The
Middle Level Commissioners suddenly create a licence fee and charge all the
boats stranded there.
November
The Rochdale & Grand Union Canals Bill is defeated in Parliament. Gordon
Brown resigns and calls a General Election. A Waterways Party is formed to
contest the election.
December
The Waterways Party wins the election and Robin Evans becomes Prime
Minister. He announces that his Government's main target is to make the
United Kingdom independent of Government funding. Stoke Bruerne top lock
collapses. The Rochdale Canal is turned into a car park. Boats on the
Middle Level, still trying to get home from the National, are frozen in.
HAPPY BOATING
(Reprinted from the spoof late-night-in-the-bar edition of the Newsletter at
Beale Park).
--
Mike Stevens
narrowboat Felis Catus III - still at Beale Park
web-site www.mike-stevens.co.uk
No man is an island. So is Man.
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