CHRIST IN THE HOME
http://www.ewtn.com/library/FAMILY/CHRISTH1.TXT
BY RAOUL PLUS, S.J.
a Translation from the French
FREDERICK PUSTET CO., INC. Publishers NEW YORK AND
CINCINNATI
Nihil Obstat:
JOHN M. A. FEARNS, S.T.D., Censor Librorum
Imprimatur:
+FRANCIS CARDINAL SPELLMAN,
Archbishop of New York
New York, June 19, 1951
MARRIAGE
ONE ONLY BEING
"LOVE seeks to escape through a single being from the mediocrity of
all others." This is the definition one author gives of love.
It is not a matter of reviewing all human beings with whom one comes
into contact as if they were on parade, so that with methodical,
rational, and cold discernment one might pick out the chosen man or
woman. It is not a selection; the object of one's desire attracts at
once; it is just he or she; all the rest do not exist. As one writer
put it, "Love is monotheistic." There is no need at all of
overthrowing idols; one pedestal alone stands, bearing the holy
representation that the eyes feast upon and toward which the heart
turns with an irresistible impulse.
Oh, the incomprehensible power of the heart in love promptly to
divinize the poor reality it has chosen! Nothing else exists for it
any longer! In the play "Asmodee," by Mauriac, the heroine
Emmanuelle, who had thought of religious life until she met Harry
with whom she fell deeply in love at first sight, goes so far as to declare:
"You know when I used to hear a person say of someone, "He is
everything for me," I did not know what that meant. I know now. Our
pastor tells me that husbands and wives love each other in God. I
can't understand that. It seems to me that if Harry were some day to
be everything for me, then there would no longer be any room in my
heart or in my life for anyone, not even for God."
Aside from this particular example of Emmanuelle, there is some truth
in those words; they emphasize a well-known fact.
How many young girls during their engagement period, how many young
wives in the months following upon their marriage, neglect the
spiritual, overwhelmed as they are with human happiness! Previous to
that time, all their love, all the need they felt for giving
themselves was directed to divine realities. Their capacity for
tenderness was showered upon Jesus and Mary; it was fed in Holy Communion.
Now another object engages all their concern. They must be vigilant
that their piety does not diminish. Their needs have increased; it is
not the time to decrease their cultivation of holiness. Doubtless,
and above all in the case of a married woman, some spiritual
exercises will not be possible; for example, daily Holy Mass and Holy
Communion in certain cases will have to be sacrificed through
fidelity to duty in their new state. But piety itself must not
diminish as it so often does in a period of human happiness.
It is essential in the midst of marital joys, and above all in the
joys preceding marriage or following immediately upon it, to strive
to preserve a sense of balance and of true values. Love of God does
not operate exactly as the attraction of creatures. In the one case,
it is a question of an invisible reality; in the other, of a sensible
reality. This last, even though closer and more accessible, never
eclipses the first. Esteem as divine what is divine, and do not
knowingly divinize or, more correctly speaking, transfigure to excess
a creature, no matter how rich its gifts.
Remain if possible always in truth. Realize that God alone is God,
and that every created being has its limitations. Strive to make your
limitations and your mediocrity as little felt as possible and
generously pardon the limitations and mediocrity of your companion for life.
The earth shall never be anything but the earth; it is untimely to
try to make it heaven.
LOVE
Why does a woman desire a man? Why does a man desire a woman? What is
the explanation of that mysterious attraction which draws the two
sexes toward each other?
Will anyone ever be able to explain it? Will anyone be able to
exhaust the subject?
One fact is certain: Even aside from the physiological aspect of the
problem, the effeminate man does not attract a woman; she makes fun
of him, finds him ridiculous. So too the masculine woman weakens her
power of attraction for a man, and ends by losing it entirely.
The age-old spell which each sex casts upon the other is closely
allied to the fidelity with which each exactly fulfills its role. If
woman copies man and man copies woman, there can be comradeship but
love does not develop. In reality, they are nothing more than two
caricatures, the woman being degraded to the rank of a man and a
second-rate man at that, and the man to the rank of a manikin in
woman's disguise. The more feminine a woman's soul and bearing, the
more pleasing she is to a man; the more masculine a man's soul and
bearing, the more pleasing he is to a woman.
We do not mean to say that between two poor specimens of either sex
there will never be any casual or even lasting sexual appeal and
experience. But we can hardly, if ever, call it love. If men and
woman are no more than two varieties of the same sex, a sort of
neuter sex, the force which creates love disappears. Normally, as we
say in electrical theory, opposite charges must exist before any
sparks will shoot forth. Bring into contact two identical charges and
there will be no effect; electricity of opposite polarities must be
used; then and then only will there be reaction.
In the realm of love, the general rule is the same. In fact, man and
woman are two different worlds. And that is as it should be, so that
the eternal secret which each of them encloses may become the object
of the other's desire and stimulate thirst for a captivating exploration.
That is love's strange power. It brings two secrets face to face, two
closed worlds, two mysteries. And just because it involves a mystery,
it gives rise to limitless fantasies of the imagination, to
embellishments in advance of the reality. So that
One finally loves all toward which one rows.
Whether that toward which one rows is an enchanted island or one
merely believes it is, what ecstasy!
Comes the meeting, the consecration of the union by marriage; each
brings to the other what the other does not possess. In the one,
delicate modesty and appealing reserve; in the other, conquering
bravery. A couple has been born. Love has accomplished its prodigy.
Yet, how true it is, that having said all this, we have said nothing.
The reality of love is unfathomable.
Could it be perhaps because it is the most beautiful masterpiece of God?
THE PALACE OF CHANCE
A MODERN writer describes marriage as "having an appointment with
happiness in the palace of chance."
Two persons are complete strangers to each other. One day they meet.
They think they appreciate each other, understand each other. They
encounter no serious obstacles; their social position is just about
the same; their financial status similar; their health seems
sufficient; their parents offer no objections; they become engaged.
They exchange loving commonplaces wherein nothing of the depths of
their souls is revealed. The days pass; the time comes--it is their
wedding day.
They are married. In the beginning of their acquaintance, they did
not know each other at all. They do not know each other much better
now, or at least, they do not know each other intimately. They are
bound together; possible mishaps matter little to them; they are
going to make happiness for themselves together. It is a risk they
decided to run.
That this procedure is the method followed by many can scarcely be denied.
Let us hope that we personally proceed with more prudence.
Upon the essential phases of life together, the engaged couple should
hold loyal and sincere discussion. And in these discussions and
exchange of ideas, each one should reveal himself as he really is,
and let us hope that this revelation is one of true richness of soul.
To make a lover of a young man or young woman is not such a difficult
achievement. But to discover in a young man before marriage the
possibility, or better still, the assurance of a good husband who
will become a father of the highest type, and in a young woman, the
certain promise of the most desirable type of wife who has in her the
makings of a real mother and a worthy educator--that is a masterpiece
of achievement!
"To love each other before marriage! Gracious, that is simple,"
exclaims a character in a play, "they do not know each other! The
test will be to love each other when they really do get acquainted."
And he is not wrong.
In keeping with his thought is the witty answer given by a young
married man to an old friend who came to visit him.
"I am an old friend of the family," explained the visitor. "I knew
your wife before you married her."
"And I, unfortunately, did not know her until after I married her!"
But even when a man and woman do know each other deeply and truly
before marriage, how many occasions they will still have for mutual
forbearance. It is necessary for them to have daily association with
each other in order to understand each other; for the woman, to
understand what the masculine temperament is; for the man to
understand what the feminine temperament is. That may seem like a
trifling thing; yet it goes a long way toward a happy marriage. To
understand each other not only as being on his part a man and on her
part a woman, but as being just such a man or just such a woman, that
is to say, persons who in addition to the general characteristics of
their species possess particular virtues and particular faults as a
result of their individual temperaments- -that requires rare penetration!
A home is not drawn by lot, blindly. A palace of chance! No, indeed.
If we want to turn it into a palace of happiness as far as that is
possible here below, we must above all things refuse to have anything
to do with chance. We must know what we are doing and where we are going.
<*}}}>< <http://halfthekingdom.mofuse.mobi/>Half the Kingdom!
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<*}}}>< <http://www.halfthekingdom.org/wordpress/>Half the Kingdom!
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<*}}}>< <*}}}>< <http://www.halfthekingdom.org/by-the-by/>Half the
Kingdom! By the by <*}}}><
Lord, may everything we do begin with Your inspiration and continue
with Your help,
so that all our prayers and works may begin in You and by You be happily ended.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
<*}}}>< <http://halfthekingdom.mofuse.mobi/>Half the Kingdom!
on your Mobile <*}}}><
<*}}}>< <http://www.halfthekingdom.org/wordpress/>Half the Kingdom!
Blog <*}}}><
<*}}}>< <http://www.halfthekingdom.org/>Half the Kingdom! Main Site
<*}}}>< <*}}}>< <http://www.halfthekingdom.org/by-the-by/>Half the
Kingdom! By the by <*}}}><
Lord, may everything we do begin with Your inspiration and continue
with Your help,
so that all our prayers and works may begin in You and by You be happily ended.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
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