I figured DRB would enjoy this. :-) He's probably already stocking up on ammo...
-- Ernie P. P.S. Of course, his rant below raises a question I've always wondered about: why don't strict libertarians / individualists just go off and found their own country? Or can they only survive as parasites on us collectivists? :-) > ------ > > <http://laddehlingerjr.com/articles/?CP=texas> > > Dear Texas, Please Secede > > Our Last Best Hope > > > Dear Texas, > > I don't know much about you. I don't live there. > > I know it takes about two days to drive through your vast tracts of land in > an aging Mazda RX-7. That drive really sucks. Even when listening to Stephen > Hawking's "A Brief History of Time" on tape. > > I know that most of your nasty collectivist hippies have been confined to > Austin, like cells of tuberculosis encrusted in calcium. They are harmless > and if the chips were down, you could drive them out to live in some refugee > camp on the Louisiana border. They could live there for decades, like the > Palestinians in the Middle East, only they would be singing bad college rock. > And smell worse. > > Your state is mostly flat. You have problems on the border. Most of your air > smells like cow dung or dust, and Houston has terrific traffic problems. > > You also have bad food. Seriously. It's bad. Don't tell me about your > barbeque and authentic Mexican crap, because I'm from New Orleans. Ça va? > > Also you have Ross Perot, and he's batsh-t crazy. Also you have Kay Bailey > Hutchinson, a fifth-columnist collectivist if ever there was a Vichy in > France. > > Also you have a former president there who teed up the United States of > America for its final destruction with TARP I: A Fake New Hope. So you'll > have to transfer him out of there to preserve your future freedom, otherwise > he'll be trying to get good real estate deals, the rotten... > > Wait, I don't want to get ahead of myself. > > Dear Texas, despite all of your shortcomings, I am here to inform you: > > You are the last best hope of mankind. > > The collectivists now have the votes in the Senate to pass the Health Care > Enslavement Act. Everything else is procedure. Therefore I must recognize > that now, to my utter horror... > > I no longer live in a free country. > > I will be forced by the power of the State to pay for a stranger's MRI. I > will be forced to beg the government for permission to get a heart transplant. > > I am a slave. The government now has complete power over everything that > constitutes my humanity, for if they control my health and body, they control > me. > > I've had to put up with the petty 'crats in my various entrepreneurial > endeavors. I have lost countless hours filling out sales tax forms and > regulation forms. I've spent hours at the DMV. At the local Fascist Building > Code Authority. I saw my home town of New Orleans destroyed by collectivists > at the Army Corps of Engineers, the City Council of New Orleans, the Mayor's > Office, various Levee Boards, the Governor's Office, and hundreds if not > thousands of Louisana State representatives sucking off the government teat > for the better part of a century. > > These obscene lilliputian vultures! > > They have stolen countless hours of my life already through taxes and > regulations. These vampires that produce nothing and consume all. Who destroy > art and freedom and culture and happiness. These monsters of vulgarity who > wish to control and regulate and want you to thank them for it. Yes, I have > lost much to these evil creatures and to my shame I have put up with it, > voting against them time and again. Voting for people and donating to people > I thought loved liberty, only to discover the nasty little jack-in-the-box > monster that pops up like a horror zombie, who sneaks in ear marks to > increase the value of real-estate they "happen" to own. > > How many corrupt fifth columnists voting for bill after obscene > liberty-killing bill must I endure before I wake from this nightmare? > > Denny Hastert, Tom Delay, Newt Gingrich, I am looking your way when I say > that last bit about corrupt fifth columnists. You f-cks. Dance With the Stars > and die. > > But this is the last straw. > > I will not put up with them in charge of my health, my children's health, or > my parent's health. > > Never. Do you hear me? > > I refuse. > > I refuse to live under this tyranny. > > If I must choose to live as a slave or go to prison, then I choose prison. > Better a prisoner than a slave. Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, President > Obamahole: arrest me now. Never a red cent shall I pay. Get it over with and > come get me now. I won't pay your fines. I won't fill out your paperwork. > > I will die first. > > I refuse even under threat of death to conform to your Health Enslavement Act. > > Do you understand? > > This is not a democracy. This is a constitutional republic, and I do not care > about your majority vote. My liberty is more important. Do you understand? > > It appears then that, since collectivists now control the United States and > wish to enslave me and my family, I must consider other options. Shall I > move? To where? Name a country that is not collectivist in one form or > another, or under threat of imminent domination. Europe is under the crushing > velvet glove of socialism, Russia is a madhouse, all else froth and insanity, > corruption and tyranny. > > I want my United States, but it is no longer the United States. It is gone > and has been since at least the 1950's, as Rome was no longer Rome after the > madness of the twelve Caesars, but still trundled on under momentum and past > glories. > > The radio hosts upon which I based my last film, Hive Mind, are for the most > part believers in the vote. They do not believe in taking up arms against our > nation and are extremely reluctant to even consider such with their > audiences. For one thing, they could get yanked off the air. For another, > they have a love for country that is as admirable, and stubborn, as what > those British subjects felt for king and country in 1771 Colonial America. > > They revolted over a dinky tea tax, for Chr-ssake. Now look at us. You think > George Washington would've sighed, shaken his head, and trundled down to the > Tax-Stamp office to buy health insurance mandated by the British Crown 'cause > it was the law? > > Frankly, I must confess that I'm not enthused by the image of villagers > storming the White House with pitchforks and torches, or waging guerilla > warfare against the combined might of the ATF, the FBI, and the Coast Guard. > > I am a realist, which means I am a pessimist, and unfortunately I must say > with great pessimism that the country our radio hosts love is no longer the > United States of America. It is beyond salvation. > > Now listen, I will certainly continue to fight through political channels. I > will continue to call my Congressmen and Senators, and go to rallies and rail > against the machine. But I know deep down, and I believe everyone else here > does too, that with such power over the vast machinery of the United States > in the hands of these ruthless collectivists, there will be no turning back > the tide even should Republicans and Libertarians and Conservatives sweep the > House and Senate in every election in 2010. > > Which brings me to the most important thing I know about Texas. > > Dear big beautiful Texas with all your gorgeous pageant women and crappy > food: you are the only state that joined our Union with a treaty allowing for > legal secession. > > Here's the "long story short," your favorite phrase, Dear Texas: > > You can get out now and no one will stop you. > > Look, I'm just a crazy filmmaker who writes a blog to boost sales for my > movies. But before that I worked for the defense community and hung out in > certain circles, so you meet people, you learn a few secrets. Here's a few > that most beltway journalists know also, but are too chickensh-t to tell you, > because if too many little people heard it, they'd rise up and kill all their > buddies and benefactors in the government. And that would just totally kill > the cocktail party circuit. > > Here's the first secret they know. > > Obama doesn't care about preserving the Union. He is the anti-Lincoln. He > would be perfectly happy to see all the "Red States" go. They are pesky. They > vote against collectivists. Red Staters own guns. They're dangerous. I know I > am. > > Obama's buddies in the Weather Undergound were even overheard by the FBI in > the 1960's trying to figure out how to get rid of all you liberty-loving > gun-toting whack jobs. They estimated they'd have to kill 25 million in > total. Which gave them pause. Not because the number was too big for their > morality; it just seemed like a big job, and collectivists are lazy. > > Yet their lust for a collectivist country has brought them to the White House > decades later, and, rather than be forced to kill all those that disagree > with collectivism, they'll be happier jettisoning a state or two and let all > the whack jobs who love liberty flee there. > > Don't get me wrong, Obama's Weather Underground buddies would cheerily kill > every last Red Stater if they had to. Look at Jeremiah Wright. You don't > think he wants you dead? Please, girlfriend. Please. > > But if it can be avoided, they'd prefer you secede. Less money spent on > bullets and mass graves and more money for them to live like the Politburo > elite in the good old days, with fancy toilet paper. > > Dear Texas, Obama-collectivist wants you to leave. You are a guest who has > overstayed your welcome in the Union. You just don't know that the liberty > party is over yet. > > Remember when Castro wanted to ship all his troublemakers out during the > Muriel boatlift? Bingo. > > Dear Texas, put aside fears of "Civil War II: The Revenge of the North." Not > going to happen. > > Consider that a large percentage of the U.S. Military is from Texas. Obama > would dare not send his "Blue State" armed forces into your borders. He would > invite a military coup if he even thought about it. And besides, without Red > State soldiers, the U.S. Military will be too busy blow drying its hair, > putting on makeup while driving, and fiddling around in its purse trying to > find that Tomahawk cruise missile next to its tampon. > > Seriously, don't worry about a hot civil war. Remember that Truman > (collectivist like Obama) was too much of a pussy to take care of the Soviet > Union back when we were the only ones with the nuke. At worst, Obama will > wage a cold war with you and maybe embargo your arugala supply. And really, I > know you couldn't give a sh-t about that. > > Dear Texas, do you want to know what Obama will say? Have fun. Good luck. > Sign a Global Warming Treaty with us? Buy our stuff with your Texas dollars? > Here, take a bunch of these other pesky liberty-loving gun owners from > Wyoming, Montana, Arizona, Louisiana, Georgia, Mississippi, etc. Don't let > the door hit your ass on the way out. But hey, sell us your oil until our > solar panels are working. > > Be careful not to lend him money. He'll ask. > > Obama and his ilk don't believe that the United States should be the lone > super power of the world. They really couldn't care less if you are in the > Union or not. They just want collectivism and all the corruption money they > can eat. > > Now Dear Texas, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it won't be easy. Let me > let you in on another secret I've learned in my old-school circles. > > China's been giving Mexico's military arms and training for the better part > of two decades. Many Chinese "companies" (which are really owned by the > People's Liberation Army) run most of the major Mexican ports. They have been > pre-deploying small arms, hand-held missiles, and other nasty pieces of work > in warehouses down there, all for a rainy day like this. > > They would love to see Mexico try to take back Texas. During the confusion > they'll be all over Taiwan like a drunk teenager on a 5 dollar whore. The > Chinese and Mexicans have been slipping money to the Democrats (algore, > Billary Clinton, Obamahole, etc.) and Republicans (John MyFriends McCain, Bob > Viagra Dole, Denny Earmark Hastert, George Bushes Part I: The Lethargic > Projectile Vomiter and Part II: The Expensive Mindless Sequel) for decades > for a reason. > > Come on. You think China was giving money to Bill Clinton cause he looks good > with Monica Lewinsky in his lap? 'Cause they wanted to sell us plastic Mardi > Gras beads? They want Taiwan and then they want to pay back Japan for the > rape of Nanking. And hey, if algore gets some bucks out of it, well, that's a > cheap price 'cause algore's a cheap whore. > > So bear in mind, Dear Texas, that when you declare independence, Mexico will > try to take you back. And Obamahole will not lift a finger for you in that > instance. You will be alone. > > It will be a nasty and ugly guerilla war. > > I know you don't care about that, because you love liberty, Dear Texas. > > Plus, you have the hottest pageant women on planet earth, better even than > Brazil, so you know you can't lose. > > You will indeed be "like a whole other country." > > I volunteer. > > I remember the Alamo. > > Save a seat for me in liberty's sweet embrace, 'cause I'm on my way. > > God Bless The United State of Texas. > > Update: Be nice to world's greatest blogger, Robert McCain, confirmed > greatest since he recognizes my glorious genius. Even though he still hasn't > sent me a mailing adress so he can have the glory of seeing any of my movies. > > Update Update: I've gotten a couple of emails already from people asking me > if this blog post is serious or satire. Am I really this crazy? Look, I have > a sense of humor and like to take it out on a walk once in a while. But I > would rather go to prison, die, or be a refugee in The Republic of Texas than > suffer any more loss of liberty, and the two secrets I mention (re: Obama > being happy with less than 50 states and the long-term China-Mexico-Azatlan > strategery) are indeed true, at least according to my sources, and I trust > them more than I trust Katie Couric. She doesn't know sh-t, she's not even > good eye candy anymore, and the last good question she probably asked was in > 1973. "Does this dress make my ass look fat?" Received answer: "Yes." Good > job, airhead. > > Save humanity. Follow me on Twitter and share this article on Twitter. > > Ladd Ehlinger Jr. - 2009-12-19 > > the creator of Flatland and Hive Mind, a techno-collectivist scifi horror > film with a cast of billions > > > > _______________________________________________ > FoRK mailing list > http://xent.com/mailman/listinfo/fork _______________________________________________ Centroids mailing list: [email protected] http://radicalcentrism.com/mailman/listinfo/centroids_radicalcentrism.com Archives at http://radicalcentrism.org/pipermail/centroids_radicalcentrism.com/
