So. Just got home from a wedding tonight. 

While it was beautiful as most all weddings are, it just wasn't the same. I
couldn't get into it. I couldn't snap out of my depression. I put on a good
front, but I couldn't dance. I couldn't even get a buzz from the many drinks
I had. I talked and chatted. Smiled and socialized. But....

All around people were talking about the WTC and the Pentagon, and what's
next ..... 

Being a part of these lists and watching all of the news coverage these past
few days, because I work from home, did me a disservice tonight. I think
that if I hadn't had so much exposure to all of the arguments and all of the
stories and all of the crying, I might have had something to talk about.
Questions to ask. But I was finding that no matter what anybody talked about
or asked, I'd seen or heard of it all. In fact, I was answering people's
questions, giving them the latest news, etc. I've seen almost every
broadcast from every angle. Seen almost all the pictures. Read almost all
the papers. Wall Street Journal. Daily News. Star Ledger. The Post. USA
Today. Daily Record.

Talk about too much information. But I can't get away from it. I want to
know what's going on. I need to know.

And because of this I couldn't inwardly enjoy the cousins celebrating their
new life, watch everyone dancing and laughing, without thinking of all the
poor people still missing. The exhausted rescue workers. The poor dogs
passing out from the smoke. And feeling so absolutely helpless because there
isn't a darn thing I can do to help them, except spend all of my wishes on
them and pull for them in spirit. 

:(

<sigh>

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm glad I have this outlet. It's even nicer
because I'm not really looking for answers or advice, just need to get these
thoughts off my chest....kind of like having a faithful pet to talk to, only
better, because you're all dear people and I know I'm not alone.

Stay well and safe,


Erika
(with a *K*)

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