An oldie but goodie?
Life Reflections by George Carlin
1. Never raise your hands to your kids.
����It leaves your groin unprotected.
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy
����is no pain, no pain.
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why
����Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5. Do illiterate people get the full effect
����of alphabet soup?
6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I
����should have been more specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he
����gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car
����he sticks his head out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you
����is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a
����maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking
����five miles a day when she was 60. �She's 97 now and we
����have no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go
����out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long
����somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always
����locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from
�����some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best
�����friends. �If they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains.
�����I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over
�����it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls
����and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful
����animals. �I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have
����photographs of her on the wall.
14. A lady came up to me on the �street, pointed at
����my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow
����was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know
����there were any witnesses. �Now I'll have to kill you too."
15. Future historians will be able to study at the
����Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the
����Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Erika
(with a *K*)
Plunge boldly into the thick of life! Each lives it, not to many is it
known; and seize it where you will, it is interesting. - Goethe
--------------------------------------------------
>>--| -----Original Message-----
>>--| From: Dan Phillips [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]
>>--|
>>--| Ok...let's start off Monday right. Everyone tell us your best
>>--| joke. Sound good?
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