OUTSOURCING JOBS REACHES NEW HEIGHTS
by Staff Reporter Melynda Jill
Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of
the United States will be outsourced to overseas interests as of June 30th,
the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in
salary , a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related
overhead. "The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman
Adam Smith (D-Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the General Accounting
Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply
can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the
world stage ,"Congressman Smith said.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his
position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his
final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he
will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance
for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid
health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the
required limit.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the
Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born
in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus
making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320
(USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the
time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working
primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will be open.
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive
interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American
Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday." Congress
stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware of
all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson
noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will
allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson further
noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools
have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and will enable Mr. Singh to
provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself."
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help him write
a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to
Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position as job prospects in the Sports Franchise Ownership
arena remain limited. A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests
a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army
National Guard. There he would be called up with his unit and stationed in
Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before. "I've been there, I know all
about Iraq and the conditions there," stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable
knowledge of the country in his first visit at the Baghdad Airport
non-smoking terminal and gift shop.
Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local Iraqis
say Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from them. Such
sources stated the Iraqis only request would be to be informed of which
convoy he would be riding in order to give him the welcome he deserves.
Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including
that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
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