Brilliant! an accoutant (british) 'friend of a friend' said this: "Classy stuff and if it isn't real then it ought to be. In truth it shows a level of wit and erudition so far beyond the powers of the Collector of Taxes that it can't possibly be genuine. I don't think I've ever seen a letter from the Collectors run to more than 3 paragraphs. Joined-up writing isn't their strong suit unless the Inspector has told them how to do it."
>Love the British ^_^ > >--------- >"Replying correspondence from the Inland Revenue Department: > > >Dear Mr Addison, >I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt >reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points >you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take >issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might >perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, >at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; >traditionally referred to such documents. > >Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of >crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on >to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not >seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest >that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses >and pissant gas-mongerers "might indicate that your decision to "file >them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little >ill-advised. > >In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of >these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a >"sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great >Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation >as a whole. Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some >spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up >the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services" , a >moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion >that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole >damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's >disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in >fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent >on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far >more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that >box-ticking façade of a university system." > >A couple of technical points arising from direct queries: >1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do > with the vagaries of the postal system; > >2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with > nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because > even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer > medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable. > >I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way >wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point >out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and >go and live in India" you would still owe us the money. > >Please forward it by Friday. > >Yours Sincerely, >H J Lee >Customer Relations" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Find out how CFTicket can increase your company's customer support efficiency by 100% http://www.houseoffusion.com/banners/view.cfm?bannerid=49 Message: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:174367 Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/threads.cfm/5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=s:5 Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5 Donations & Support: http://www.houseoffusion.com/tiny.cfm/54
