you'll be ok man, really. ::hugs::
I know that doesn't help >I feel like a real fuck-up right now. I should be really happy and >excited because after my job in Charlottesville only lasted 5 months >I've been able to get a couple of even better offers (which I won't >get into right now, except to say that these are really excellent job >offers, so I'll be genuinely okay financially for the first time in >the last 5 years). And this is in spite of the fact that at first >glance my resume makes me look like an utter flake, because the >longest job I've had in that time has been a year and a half in Ft >Lauderdale where I barely made ends meet. The chain of events is >really screwed up tho. Shortly before cf.Objective and before I quit >this job in Charlottesville I had to take some short-term contract >work to pay for the conference, but I also borrowed some money (not a >huge sum, but worth mentioning) from a friend. Since the conference >I've been putting most of my days into job hunting and put off some >additional contract work that I needed to float us by and/or help us >move for the next job, such that I'm now completely flat again. We >have just enough in the bank to pay rent, but nothing else, and I'm >thinking that I need to borrow some cash from someone again in the >interrim until I get some cash in on billable hours (since right now I >don't have any outstanding hours, I'd have to get the hours first). >Not a lot, just gas and grocery money. And like a complete ass at this >point I've forgotten that I borrowed money from a friend just before >cf.Objective, so I ask him again and of course, he reminds me that I >still owe him from before. I plan to pay him back soon, but I'm >mortified that I forgot and haven't paid him back. Over the years I've >been able to borrow money occasionally from family, but my sister no >longer talks to me (because my wife and I split up - she still lives >with her husband who let our niece drown in the bathtub, so you can >imagine her motivation), my mother is a recluse with a possibly >imaginary husband at this point and has only ever just kept her head >above water, I haven't seen her parents in years (I only talk to my >mother semi-annually), which leaves my grandmother who's been the one >person I've turned to dominantly when I've needed help. Problem is I >was on the phone with my dad yesterday, telling him the good news >about my job situation, and of course he says he doesn't have any cash >he can spare to lend me although he would (he's a 50+year old network >administrator now, so it's tough enough for him to convince people to >hire him in the first place), but he tells me that he heard from an >old family lawyer (colossal dick) recently who called to say that he'd >been in Dallas and had stopped by to see my grandmother and that she >was very sick and he didn't expect her to survive the month. She's had >an in-home nurse the past year. So here I was thinking about calling >her (before talking to my dad) and asking her for a handout and having >that possibly be the last thing she hears from me. I want to scream >until my lungs crack. I wouldn't even be contributing this much >personal information to such a public forum except that in the last 3 >years, this mailing list is the only community I've had... such as it >is. My only support network is a group of people I've mostly never >met, who all live hundreds or thousands of miles away from me. Watch >this thread lose me a job 5 years from now. > >ike ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Message: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=i:5:202504 Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/threads.cfm/5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/lists.cfm/link=s:5 Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=11502.10531.5 Donations & Support: http://www.houseoffusion.com/tiny.cfm/54
