I find the descriptions hysterical ...

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Lexmark, You Diseased Maniac

At last! After all my scheming, all my painstaking plans foiled by that
red-caped do-gooder, I’ve finally found the diabolical plot that will
bring the planet to its knees. As sure as my head is bald, the Lexmark
P4350 Multifunction Printer will be the instrument of my triumph.

The gullible masses will welcome the P4350 into their homes for its
range of convenient photo-printing functions. It copies, prints, and
scans, just the way the ignorant sheep like it. The 1.68” color LCD,
card reader, and PictBridge connection allow Joe Q. Unwashed to print
his trivial digital photos without a computer, shining some light into
his dreary, meaningless little life. And its 4800×1200 maximum dpi and
borderless-printing capability are sure to dazzle those who are easily
impressed by flashy fluff – in other words, nearly all of humanity.

But the fools don’t realize that this multifunction printer has one
function they won’t find in the manual. At the proper moment, when I’ve
flooded the planet with these cheap plastic playthings, I will throw a
lever here in my lair. As one, every P4350 will begin to shake, slowly
at first, then faster, then faster still. If my calculations are right,
their coordinated vibrations will trigger a wave of tectonic disturbance
across the globe – and my calculations are always right. Cities will
crumble into the sea! Entire nations will be brought to their knees!
Basic-cable services will be disrupted and NASCAR tracks will be torn
into rubble! Only I will be able to put a stop to the cataclysm – and my
price will be dear indeed! Bow to your new master, pathetic wretches!
And bow to the Lexmark P4350 Multifunction Printer!

Oh, and I also bought a bunch of kryptonite bullets on eBay. A
super-villain can’t be too careful these days.



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