Ha ha, that was awseome. > -----Original Message----- > From: Erika Walker [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] > Sent: Friday, January 12, 2007 12:47 PM > To: CF-Community > Subject: ~ ~ ~ Dog/Cat/Pet Rules ~ ~ ~ > > To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height. > > Dear Dogs and Cats, > > The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other > dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the > middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food > and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. > > The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me > to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall > faster than you can run. > > I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about > this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your > comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is > not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the > fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and > having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but > sarcasm. > > For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some > miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not > necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under > the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I > entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline > attendance is not required. > > The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I > cannot stress this enough! > > To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our > front door: > > To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: > > 1. They live here. You don't. > 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. > (That's why they call it "fur"niture.) > 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. > 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is > tall, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. > > Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: > 1. Eat less > 2. Don't ask for money all the time > 3 Are easier to train > 4. Normally come when called > 5. Never ask to drive the car > 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends > 7. Don't smoke or drink > 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions > 9. Don't want to wear your clothes > 10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college. > > And finally, > > 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children! > > >
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