classic On 8/8/07, Adam Churvis <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Paul, > > Didn't your vet give you a pair of claw nippers? > > Those little scissor-looking things with only about a quarter inch of blade > past the pivot, with a sharp concave indent in the blade? They come right > off with almost no effort at all because of the massive leverage and the > razor sharp cutting surface (the indent). Saved our arms many a time. > > I first learned of this as a young child, when my mother told me "Go to the > vet and get some claw nippers." So I went to the vet I knew and he told me > what I really needed was a genuine K-Bar Fighting Knife and some camo face > paint. So I bought them and took them home to my mother and she's like, > "Not a goddamned Vietnam vet, shithead, a veterinarian!" > > So I'm all embarrassed and ashamed, and I go to the veterinarian, and it > turns out he's a Vietnam vet, too. And as luck would have it, his assistant > is the other Vietnam vet I got the knife and camo paint from. > > So I told them what my mom said and we all laughed about it real hard and > then sat in the dark with a red filter military flashlight making plans to > kill her. We agreed that I would distract her with the claw nippers (that I > finally got from him) while Doc came up behind her with a string garrote and > a K-Bar. "Why the string garrote, Doc?" I asked him. "We want this > quiet-like. Close off her throat. Bleed her slow," he explained. "Oh." > > Then it dawned on me, so I asked him: "Why are we killing my mother?" > "She's Charlie, son," he said. I was only seven, so I didn't really > understand. > > Anyway, long story short, he chokes her with the string garrote and I have a > change of heart, so I use the claw nippers to snip the garrote and free my > mom. Doc stands there, K-Bar in hand, looking at me with death in his eyes. > "You...!" he hisses before he charges. > > So I side-step his thrust and hook him on his right ear with the claw > nippers, spinning him around like a whirling dervish. I pick up my Tonka > truck and smash him on the bridge of his nose again and again until it sinks > into a bloody hole in his skull. He falls to the kitchen floor, and I'm on > him like a duck on a junebug, pummeling his throat until he can't breathe. > Just before he dies, I use his K-Bar to take my well-deserved trophy: his > right ear; the one I hooked with the claw nippers. > > That day I learned about the importance of claw nippers. Learned how they > can save you from heartache and a whole lot of pain. Learned about the men > behind that pain. Learned about life. > > And Fluffy didn't scratch me later that night when I gave her a flea dip. > > So get yourself a pair of claw nippers, Paul. > > I did. > > Respectfully, > > Adam Phillip Churvis > > Get advanced intensive Master-level training in > C# & ASP.NET 2.0 for ColdFusion Developers at > ProductivityEnhancement.com > > -----Original Message----- > From: Paul Ihrig [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] > Sent: Wednesday, August 08, 2007 2:46 PM > To: CF-Community > Subject: damb cat.. bath time.. > > just gave my damb cat a bath > every 3 years or so. > now have puncher wounds on my arm... > look like a heroin addict.. > man.. > > > > >
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