ROFL especially the "allergies" part... -Ben > dog diary: > > Day number 180 > 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! > 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! > 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! > 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! > 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! > 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! > 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! > 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! > 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! > 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! > > Day number 181 > 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! > 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! > 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! > 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! > 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! > 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! > 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! > 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! > 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! > 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! > > Day number 182 > 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! > 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! > 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! > 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! > 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! > 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! > 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! > 1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer. > 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! > 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! > 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE! > > EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY > > DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling > objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry > cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the > mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. > Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. > > DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet > while they were walking almost succeeded. (Must try this at the top of the > stairs.) In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once > again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. (Must try this on > their bed.) > > DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep > depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. > > DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in > attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike > fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good > little cat I was. Hmmm. Not working according to plan... > > DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I > was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning > foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. > My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. > > DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was > placed in solitary throughout the event. More importantly I overheard that > my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is > and how to use it to my advantage. > > DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe > snitches. The Dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to > return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be > an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole > speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every > move. Due to his current placement in the hanging metal room, his safety is > assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time. > > ______________________________________________________________________ Your ad could be here. Monies from ads go to support these lists and provide more resources for the community. http://www.fusionauthority.com/ads.cfm
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