My wife went through a similar experience (though she left the marriage) because she couldn't afford a lawyer and even her family was supporting her ex instead of her. Her ex was mentally abusive and kept her on a really short leash. Add to that, the county we lived in is over zealous about child support. They are more interested in the political points for being tough on child support, than making sure what is getting done is best for all involved. Not surprising since the state's attorney in our county has a habit of putting people behind bars despite the evidence (If anyone is familiar with the Jeanine Nicarico murder case...he put a guy on death row...hid evidence that showed the man's innocence. This guy was finally released about 10 years later after the guy that actually killed this girl confessed. Damn republicans...) She was a waitress and made varying amounts of money and got behind on her support because of it and ended up getting thrown in jail several times because her ex used it as a way of controlling her. He has some mental issues and whenever he goes off his meds he starts trying to cause whatever trouble he can for her. He even involved the kids in it (which is a violation of Illinois state law...but the courts wouldn't enforce it despite the fact that we had voicemails left by her daughter where she is blaming my wife for her father's financial issues because she wasn't able to pay her support at the time (which wasn't enough to really make a difference in his financial situation ...he's a system administrator BTW...so he makes WAY more than she does) I think that whole system needs a revamping as it is totally inefficient. While the amount you owe is determined by a percentage, they set a defined amount. So instead of your company forking over x% of your check...you get stuck with a value, which may end up being more than what you should owe if you have a variable income. The other issue is that while you are subject to impriso9nment, the courts violate state law and do not allow for a court appointed attorney...which is a total violation of at least Illinois state law and IL SC decisions. Add to that the state's attorney's office prosecuting civil violations, which is totally outside their constitutional purview...
There is a need for a more equitable system. -----Original Message----- From: Erika L. Rich [mailto:[email protected]] Sent: Thursday, April 01, 2010 6:46 AM To: cf-community Subject: Re: popping the big question Matthew The one thing we all know on this list is that we are ALL different, live different lives, have different values, different experiences, believe in different things etc etc ... The bond of CF brings the majority of us together .... I know you likely haven't, but I wanted to re-iterate, do not let some of the bitter examples of marriage on this list sway your opinion at all. There are bona fide bachelors on here, there are divorcees that went thru hell. I have my own story and none of you have EVER heard it and NONE of you ever will. But suffice it to say I can give a few people here a run for their money a dozen times over. My current husband's divorce was a 2 year bitter battle zone, that no-one should EVER have had to go through. Involved him losing everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Money, grown adult sons that he loved and gave the world for, belongings. Everything. And she was the one that left the marriage, turned around, lied, and because of the court system, screwed him over hard. And I was bystander to it all. This kind of sh$t happens, and always will in our world. It's a matter of fact. It didn't make either of us bitter though .... Marriage was the icing on the cake for our relationship. Ours was rock solid before we did it, and the formal bond made it deeper. I can barely explain it. Besides the legality of it (now we're both protected in case something happens to either of us as far as property, health insurance, etc.) it tells us both, despite the previous failed attempts at a relationship, that we're in it to be the best husband and wife that we can to each other. HOWEVER - my point, as long as it's talking me to get there, is that nothing is guaranteed ever, including life. Live it while you can - and that means making a spectacular proposal to a woman that you love. Don't let others' bitter experiences ruin any thoughts in your head about what a tremendous thing it is to love someone so much you want to make them safe, give them your world and cherish them forever. Marriage means something different to everyone. And I believe no one, no matter what experience that person may have had, what their beliefs are, or what they *think* will happen, NO ONE should piss on someone else's parade. Life is too short for negativity. I think any way you propose is fantastic, and you'll come up with the best one for your situation. You're a pretty cool cat Matthew ... and I've been watching you take a bunch of pretty big steps here lately. It's been a pleasure to watch you grow outside your comfort zones and learn new exciting things. Best wishes man. :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Want to reach the ColdFusion community with something they want? Let them know on the House of Fusion mailing lists Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/message.cfm/messageid:314756 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/subscribe.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/unsubscribe.cfm
