You do realize you should provide links for all the nickel and dime store words!
Great read and great laugh beyond it. Until Later! C. Hatton Humphrey http://www.eastcoastconservative.com No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced. On Wed, Feb 1, 2012 at 12:56 PM, Larry C. Lyons <[email protected]>wrote: > > Given the political season I thought this appropriate. > > > http://gis.washington.edu/phurvitz/outgoing/bustagut/Non-SlanderousPoliticalSmearSpeech.htm > > Guaranteed Effective All-Occasion Non-Slanderous Political Smear Speech > By Bill Garvin > MAD #139, December 1970 > > My fellow citizens, it is an honor and a pleasure to be here today. My > opponent has openly admitted he feels an affinity toward your city, > but I happen to like this area. It might be a salubrious place to him, > but to me it is one of the nation's most delightful garden spots. > > When I embarked upon this political campaign I hoped that it could be > conducted on a high level and that my opponent would be willing to > stick to the issues. Unfortunately, he has decided to be tractable > instead -- to indulge in unequivocal language, to eschew the use of > outright lies in his speeches, and even to make repeated veracious > statements about me. > > At first, I tried to ignore these scrupulous, unvarnished fidelities. > Now I do so no longer. If my opponent wants a fight, he's going to get > one ! > > It might be instructive to start with his background. My friends, have > you ever accidentally dislodged a rock on the ground and seen what was > underneath ? Well, exploring my opponent's background is dissimilar. > All the slime and filth and corruption you could possibly imagine, > even in your wildest dreams, are glaringly nonexistent in this man's > life. And even during his childhood ! > > Let us take a very quick look at that childhood: It is a known fact > that, on a number of occasions, he emulated older boys at a certain > playground. It is also known that his parents not only permitted him > to masticate excessively in their presence, but even urged him to do > so. Most explicable of all, this man who poses as a paragon of virtue > exacerbated his own sister while they were both teenagers ! > > I ask you, my fellow Americans: is this the kind of person we want in > public office to set an example for our youth ? Of course, it's not > surprising that he should have such a typically pristine background -- > no, not when you consider the other members of his family: > > His female relatives put on a constant pose of purity and innocence, > and claim they are inscrutable, yet every one of them has taken part > in hortatory activities > The men in the family are likewise completely amenable to moral suasion > My opponent's second cousin is a Mormon > His uncle was a flagrant heterosexual > His sister, who has always been obsessed by sects, once worked as a > proselyte outside a church > His father was secretly chagrined at least a dozen times by matters of > a pecuniary nature > His youngest brother wrote an essay extolling the virtues of being a > homosapien > His great-aunt expired from a degenerative disease > His nephew subscribes to a phonographic magazine > His wife was a thespian before their marriage and even performed the > act in front of paying customers > And his own mother had to resign from a women's organization in her > later years because she was an admitted sexagenarian > > Now what shall we say of the man himself ? > > I can tell you in solemn truth that he is the very antithesis of > political radicalism, economic irresponsibility, and personal > depravity. His own record proves that he has frequently > discountenanced treasonable, un-American philosophies and has > perpetrated many overt acts as well. > > He perambulated his infant son on the street > He practiced nepotism with his uncle and first cousin > He attempted to interest a 13-year-old girl in philately > He participated in a seance at a private residence where, among other > odd goings-on, there was incense > He has declared himself in favor of more homogeneity on college campuses > He has advocated social intercourse in mixed company -- and has taken > part in such gatherings himself > He has been deliberately averse to crime in our streets > He has urged our Protestant and Jewish citizens to develop more catholic > tastes > Last summer he committed a piscatorial act on a boat that was flying > the American flag > > Finally, at a time when we must be on our guard against all foreign > "isms", he has coolly announced his belief in altruism -- and his > fervent hope that some day this entire nation will be altruistic ! > I beg you, my friends, to oppose this man whose life and work and > ideas are so openly and avowedly compatible with our American way of > life. A vote for him would be a vote for the perpetuation of > everything we hold dear. > > The facts are clear; the record speaks for itself. > > Do your duty. > -- > Larry C. Lyons > web: http://www.lyonsmorris.com/lyons > LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/larryclyons > > There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always > has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant > thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, > nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "my ignorance > is just as good as your knowledge." - Issac Asimov > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Order the Adobe Coldfusion Anthology now! http://www.amazon.com/Adobe-Coldfusion-Anthology/dp/1430272155/?tag=houseoffusion Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/message.cfm/messageid:346205 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/subscribe.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/unsubscribe.cfm
