Nice On Dec 18, 2013 5:10 PM, "Jerry Milo Johnson" <[email protected]> wrote:
> > (2013 style) > > Dear Santa, > > > How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to > > the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an > > X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you > > remember that come Christmas Day. > > > > > > Merry Christmas, > > > Timmy Jones > > ******************************** > > > Dear Timmy, > > > Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are > all > > fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the > > time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to > > get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you > > something you can go outside and play with. > > > Merry Christmas, > > > Santa Claus > > ******************************* > > > Mr. Claus, > > > Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by > you > > I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting > me > > what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season > > into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight > > coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite? > > > Respectfully, > > > Tim Jones > > ******************************** > > > Mr. Jones, > > > While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I > > remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a > > guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, > well > > that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney's have been on > > retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be > > more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I > > alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve you social > > skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the > bottom > > of the Burger King fry bin most days. > > > Very Truly Yours, > > > S Claus > > *********************************** > > > Now look here Fat Man, > > > I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting > to > > be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now > > you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be > > waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, > > and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN! > > > T-Bone > > ************************************ > > > Listen Pizza Face, > > > Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the > > world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? > > "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound > > familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal? I > > got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt > > people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's > > pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting > > what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole > > in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia. > > > S Clizzy > > ************************************ > > > Dear Santa, > > > Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything. > > > Timmy > > ************************************* > > > Timmy, > > > That's what I thought, you little bastard. > > > Santa > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Order the Adobe Coldfusion Anthology now! http://www.amazon.com/Adobe-Coldfusion-Anthology/dp/1430272155/?tag=houseoffusion Archive: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/message.cfm/messageid:369013 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/subscribe.cfm Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/groups/cf-community/unsubscribe.cfm
