We are Microsoft. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
>From: "Candace Cottrell" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >Reply-To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] >To: CF-Community <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >Subject: Fwd: [WDG] The Man From Microsoft >Date: Tue, 19 Nov 2002 10:48:57 -0500 > >There was a knock on the door. It was the man from Microsoft. > >"Not you again," I said. > >"Sorry," he said, a little sheepishly. "I guess you know why I'm >here." > >Indeed I did. Microsoft's $600 million campaign to promote the Windows >XP >operating system was meant to be universally effective, to convince >every human >being on the planet that Windows XP was an essential, some would say, >an >integral part of living. Problem was, not everyone had bought it. >Specifically, >I hadn't bought it. I was the "Last Human Being Without Windows XP". >And now >this little man from Microsoft was at my door, and he wouldn't take no >for an >answer. > >"No," I said. > >"You know I can't take that," he said, pulling out a copy of Windows XP >from a >briefcase. "Come on. Just one copy. That's all we ask." > >"Not interested." I said. "Look, isn't there someone else you can go >bother for >a while? There's got to be someone else on the planet who doesn't have >a copy." > >"Well, no," The Microsoft man said. "You're the only one." > >"You can't be serious, not everyone on the planet has a computer," I >said. >"Hell, not everyone on the planet has a PC! Some people own >Macintoshes, which >run their own operating system. And some people who have PCs run OS/2, >even >Linux though I hear that's just a rumor. In short, there are some >people who >just have no use for Windows XP." > >The Microsoft man look perplexed. "I'm missing your point," he said. > >"Use!" I screamed. "Use! Use! Use! Why BUY it, if you can't USE it?" > >"Well, I don't know anything about this 'use' thing you're going on >about," the >Microsoft man said. "All I know is that according to our records, >everyone else >on the planet has a copy." > >"People without computers?" > >"Got 'em." > >"Amazonian Indians?" > >"We had to get some malaria shots to go in, but yes." > >"The Amish." > >"Check." > >"Oh, come on," I said. "They don't even wear BUTTONS. How did you get >them >to buy a computer operating system?" > >"We told them there were actually XP very small windows in the box, >sort of >like an upgrade of having 98 windows in a box" the Microsoft man >admitted. "We >sort of lied. Which means we are all going to Hell, every single >employee of >Microsoft." > >He was somber for a minute, but then perked right up. "But that's not >the >point!" he said. "The point is, EVERYONE has a copy. Except you." > >"So what?" I said. "If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you >expect me to >do it, too?" > >"If we spent $600 million advertising it? Absolutely." > >"No." > >"Jeez, back to that again," the Microsoft man said. "Hey. I'll tell you >what. >I'll GIVE you a copy. For free. Just take it and install it on your >computer." >He waved the box in front of me. > >"No," I said again. "No offense, pal. But I don't need it. And frankly, >your >whole advertising blitz has sort of offended me. I mean, it's a >computer >operating system! Great. Fine. Swell. Whatever. But you guys are >advertising it >like it creates world peace or something." > >"It did." > >"Pardon?" > >"World peace. It was part of the original design. Really. One button >access. >Click on it, poof, end to strife and hunger. Simple." > >"So what happened?" > >"Well, you know," he said. "It took up a lot of space on the hard >drive. We had >to decide between it or the Microsoft Network. Anyway, we couldn't >figure out >how to make a profit off of world peace." > >"Go away," I said. > >"I can't," he said. "I'll be killed if I fail." > >"You have got to be kidding," I said. > >"Look," the Microsoft man said, "We sold this to the AMISH. The Amish! >Right >now, they're opening the boxes and figuring out they've been had. We'll >be >pitch forked if we ever step into Western Pennsylvania again. But we >did it. So >to have YOU holding out, well, it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing to >the >company. It's embarrassing to the product. It's embarrassing to BILL." > >"Bill Gates does not care about me," I said. > >"He's watching right now," the Microsoft man said. "Borrowed one of >those >military spy satellites just for the purpose. It's also got one of >those >high-powered lasers. You close that door on me, zap, I'm a pile of grey >ash." > >"He wouldn't do that," I said, "He might hit that copy of Windows XP >by >accident." > >"Oh, Bill's gotten pretty good with that laser," the Microsoft man >said, >nervously. "Okay. I wasn't supposed to do this, but you leave me no >choice. If >you take this copy of Windows XP, we will reward you handsomely. In >fact, we'll >give you your own Caribbean Island! How does Montserrat sound?" > >"Terrible. There's an active volcano there." > >"It's only a small one," the Microsoft man said. > >"Look," I said, "even if you DID convince me to take that copy of >Windows XP, >what would you do then? You'd have totally saturated the market. That >would be >it. No new worlds to conquer. What would you do then?" > >The Microsoft man held up another box and gave it to me. > >"'Windows XP.... For Pets'?!?!?" > >"There's a LOT of domestic animals out there," he said. > >I shut the door quickly. There was a surprised yelp, the sound of a >laser, and >then nothing. > > > >_______________________________________________ >Wdg mailing list provided by ForwardWeb >http://www.forwardweb.com/ >POSTS: [EMAIL PROTECTED] >Subscribe - Unsubscribe Information >http://forward.vosn.net/mailman/listinfo/wdg_wdguide.com > >Candace K. Cottrell, Web Developer >The Children's Medical Center >One Children's Plaza >Dayton, OH 45404 >937-641-4293 >http://www.childrensdayton.org > > >[EMAIL PROTECTED] > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?method=subscribe&forumid=5 Get the mailserver that powers this list at http://www.coolfusion.com Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5
