> > >UNEXPECTED MERGER > > > > > >Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and > > acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that > > Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the > > deal had been in the works about 1300 years. > > > > > >While details were not available at press time, it is believed that > > the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days > > of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining > > forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high- > > quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new > > holiday is being called. > > > > > >Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a- > > milking being the hardest hit. > > > > > >As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the > > DREIDEL, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus > > becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. > > > > > >Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the > > >message on the DREIDEL will be the more generic: "Miraculous stuff > > happens." > > > > > >In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa > > Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering > > their gifts. > > > > > >One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least > > three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could > > leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for > > dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally > > declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this. > > > > > >Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to > > maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference > > by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye > > Faithful." > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
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