ROFLMAO -Ben
At 01:57 PM 2/21/03 -0400, you wrote: >This is good stuff too... >Found some humor in this.......... > >Ross Perot: "Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting >without an accordion." > >And further..... > >French History of war: > >Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years >of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian. > >Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who >inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are >victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." > >Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose >two wars when fighting Italians. > >Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots > >Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to >get invaded anyway. They claim a tie on the basis that eventually the >other participants started ignoring her. > >War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as >chapeaux. > >The Dutch War - Tied > >War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, >but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induce deluded Frogophiles the >world over to label the period as the height of French military power. > >War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their >first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. > >American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future >Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far >more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the >Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of >the fighting." > >French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also >French. > >The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) >due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British >footwear designer. > >The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat >boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. > >World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United >States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep >with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread >use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French >bloodline. > >World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and >Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. > >War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the >Dien Bien Flu > >Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by >a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of >Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to >the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, >Vietnamese and Esquimaux. > >War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to >Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese >ambassador but fails after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. > >The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not >be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France >collapses?" > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?method=subscribe&forumid=5 Get the mailserver that powers this list at http://www.coolfusion.com Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5
