Note: I tried to send the picture but they are stripped but there was a picture of a computer geek in the water drowning yelling F1 F1 F! :) lol
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers "Yes". Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? " Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please." _____________________________________ >A man was sick and tired of going to work > > every > > day while his wife >stayed > > > home. He wanted her to see what he went > > through > > so he >prayed: > > > > > > Dear Lord, > > > > > > I go to work every day and put >in 8 hours > > while > > my wife merely stays at > > > home. I want her to >know what I go through, > > so > > please allow her body to > > > switch >with mine for a day. > > > > > > > > > Amen. > > > > > > > > > God, in His >infinite wisdom, granted the man's > > wish. The next morning, > > > sure >enough, the man awoke as a woman. He > > arose, cooked breakfast for his > > > > mate, awakened the kids, set out their school > > clothes, fed them >breakfast, > > > packed their lunches, drove them to school, > > came > > >home and picked up the > > > dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and > > >stopped at the bank to make a > > > deposit, went grocery shopping, then >drove > > home > > to put away the groceries, > > > pay the bills and >balance the check book. > > > > > > > > > > > > He cleaned the cat's litter >box and bathed the > > dog. Then it was already > > > 1:00 p.m. and he >hurried to make the beds, do > > the laundry, vacuum, dust, > > > and sweep >and mop the kitchen floor. He ran to > > the school to pick up the > > > >kids and got into an argument with them on the > > way home. He set out > > > > cookies and milk and got the kids organized to > > do their homework, >then set > > > up the ironing board and watched TV while he > > did > > the >ironing. > > > > > > > > > > > > At 4:30 p.m. he began peeling potatoes and > > > washing vegetables for salad, > > > breaded the pork chops and snapped >fresh beans > > for supper. After supper > > > he cleaned the kitchen, ran >the dishwasher, > > folded laundry, bathed the > > > kids, and put them to >bed. > > > > > > > > > At 9:00 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his > > >daily chores weren't > > > finished, he went to bed where he was expected > > > to make love which he > > > managed to get through without complaint. > > > > > > > > > > The next morning he awoke and immediately > > knelt > > by >the bed and said, > > > "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I > > was > > > so wrong to envy my wife's > > > being able to stay home all day. >Please, oh > > please, let us trade back." > > > > > > > > > The Lord, in >His infinite wisdom, replied, "My > > son, I feel you have > > > learned >your lesson and I will be happy to > > change things back to the way > > > >they were. > > > > > > You'll just have to wait nine months, though-- > > >you got pregnant last > > > night." ______________________________________ >Take out a one dollar bill, and look at it. The one dollar bill you're >looking at first came off the presses in 1957 in its present design. >This so-called paper money is in fact a cotton and linen blend, with red >and blue minute silk fibers running through it. It is actually material. >We've all washed it without it falling apart. A special blend of ink is >used, the contents we will never know. It is overprinted with symbols and >then it is starched to make it water resistant and pressed to give it that >nice crisp look. > > >If you look on the front of the bill, you will see the United States >Treasury Seal. On the top you will see the scales for a balanced budget. In >the center you have a carpenter's square, a tool used for an even cut. >Underneath is the Key to the United States Treasury. That's all pretty easy >to figure out, but > >what is on the back of that dollar bill is something we should all know. > > >If you turn the bill over, you will see two circles. Both circles, >together, comprise the Great Seal of the United States. The First >Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group > >of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task >and another two years to get it approved. > > >If you look at the left-hand circle, you will see a Pyramid. Notice the >face >is lighted, and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. > >We had not begun to explore the West or decided what we could do for >Western Civilization. The Pyramid is un-capped, again signifying that we >were not even close to being finished. Inside the capstone you have the >all-seeing eye, an ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin's belief >that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of >God, could do anything. > > > > >"IN GOD WE TRUST" is on this currency. The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT >COEPTIS, means, "God has favored our undertaking." The Latin below the > >pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means, "a new order has begun." At the base >of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. > >If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, you will >learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States. It is >also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, Florida National >Cemetery, and > >is the centerpiece of most hero's monuments. Slightly modified, it is the >seal of the President of the United States, and it is always visible >whenever he speaks, yet very few people know what the symbols mean. > > >The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons: First, >he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong, and he is smart enough to soar >above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just broken from >the King of England. Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This country >can > >now stand on its own. At the top of that shield you have a white bar >signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one >nation. In the Eagle's beak you will read, "E PLURIBUS UNUM", meaning, >"one nation from many people". > >Above the Eagle, you have thirteen stars, representing the thirteen >original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. Again, >we were coming together as one. > > Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds > >an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be >afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive >branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows. > >They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a >worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any >hotels or motels with a 13th floor. But think about this: 13 original >colonies, 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence, 13 stripes on our >flag, 13 steps on the Pyramid, 13 letters in the Latin above, 13 letters in >"E Pluribus Unum", 13 stars above the Eagle, 13 bars on that shield, 13 >leaves on the olive branch, 13 fruits, and if you look closely, 13 arrows. >And, for minorities: the 13th Amendment. > >I always ask people, "Why don't you know this?" Your children don't know >this, and their history teachers don't know this. Too many veterans have >given up too much to ever let the meaning fade. Many veterans remember >coming home to an America that didn't care. Too many veterans never came >home at all. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| Archives: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?forumid=5 Subscription: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/index.cfm?method=subscribe&forumid=5 Get the mailserver that powers this list at http://www.coolfusion.com Unsubscribe: http://www.houseoffusion.com/cf_lists/unsubscribe.cfm?user=89.70.5
